Now she's in purple now she's a turtle

Disintegrating!

It's funny how life imitates bollocks or something isn't it?
There you are merrily writing meaningless plop about your otherwise
humdrum life and suddenly something from out of left field kicks you in the nads and snogs
your girlfriend right in front of you.

Y'see not three hours after I posted about the junk mail thing I received some more junk mail.
Only it was in my inbox. From someone I'd never heard of. They however, had heard of me.
Seeing as they'd cut and pasted the final line from my post. Then they added their own piece to it

'I'm a bit of a cunt really! :)'

"A bit.
Don't make me laugh
You are all that is wrong with the world."

Now this freaked me out a tad. Not only have I no idea who this person is, but they seem a tad pissed off with me.
So I replied.

'1 Who are you?
2 What on earth have I ever done to you?
3 Where did you get my email address?'

And this is the reply

"My name's christine.
You've done absolutely nothing to me.
I have my sources.

You should really be more careful."

Something's a bit shonky with the above isn't it. I'm still a bit goofed out but I want to know who's fucking me about so...

'Okay, so who have I upset for you to be emailing me?

"Listen, I cannot say because I don't know. I have a boss, he doesn't explain, but I thought it only fair warning to say that I have to look into you. I probably shouldn't, but there you go."

There's me thinking it must be the porn cops. They're finally going to bust me for all that monkey smut on my hard drive.
In reality, I'm still a bit goofed by it all. I'd love to know how this person got my email address. I don't leave it on peoples comments cos I hate being spammed. The only way for someone to know it is for them to either know it themselves or they've been given it by someone else.

'Well that's me absolutely flummoxed then.
To say I'm all that's wrong in the world though... I think you'll find that there is far far worse."

This is the reply

"I'm sure - that was my complaint in the meeting, I always get the odd bits of things. And I'm sure nothing will come out of it. Most of the people I have had to look into continue with their lives rather normally. Still, looking into what I've got so far, you seem to be... angry? Let's go with angry. Perhaps it is nothing and then, as I said, nothing will come out of it. In any case, this is the first and, hopefully, the last you hear from me. I never come in contact with people I look into until the very end, and that is only if I've found something. You certainly sound like you've no clue, and that is a good thing.
In any case, thank you for replying and... just be a good person. It sounds vague and deep and meaningless, but it's what I can do."

Can you see the conciliatory tone creeping in? This person has gone from telling me I'm a complete and utter cunt to almost empathising with me. This is complete bollocks. Nasty bollocks, but bollocks all the same. So I start racking me brains to see who I might have pissed off recently. Believe it or not but the list really isn't that long. Except... I did leave a particularly scathing coda on my last blog didn't I? To a couple who I believe have badly wronged all of the people in their lives yet continue to justify their actions in public. I think you know who I'm talking about. Once you start to analyse the writing style you start to suspect that English may not be their first language. There's a lack of diminutives, there are no spelling mistakes, there's a hell of a lot of punctuation. There's also the fact that this person has forgotten to capitalize the first letter of their name. Nobody does that. They may forget to capitalize someone elses name as they write it, but never their own.

So anyway, my final e-mail...

"You look into people? What does that mean then? Who's your boss then? Who do you work for? I really would love to know where you got my email address from. It's not something I tend to leave lying around on the web."

This is the reply

"Ah, no, the e-mail was a hard one. I cannot tell you who I work for, and I really - really - shouldn't even be e-mailing you. Your e-mail, though, is safe. I have it, no one else. I will go through my investigation, as I said, I am sure it is nothing, the more I look into it, the less it seems like something we should be troubling ourselves with. I mean, damn, co-workers going into Congo and Afghanistan and here I am. And in the winter. Christ.
But I shouldn't rant and I shouldn't say more. I'd say don't worry, but that hardly seems a good thing to say. Just be a good man, take care of yourself and your family."

What a sack of shit! Talk about over egging the omelette.

"I mean, damn, co-workers going into Congo and Afghanistan and here I am. And in the winter. Christ."

Oh Do Fuck Off You Stupid Melodramatic Cunt! Fucking Afghanistan and the Congo, and you're bothering with l'il ol me? Why shucks I must be a real danger to the future security of the entire cunting world or something! Are you mentally ill? Do you seriously think that I'm going to believe you? You wouldn't be getting in touch with me. You wouldn't be cutting and pasting from my blog. You'd do your job and leave me none the wiser. You think I'm angry? I'm fucking livid you fucking idiotic mek hee Kan fuckpig! Fuck off and wax your moustache you cunt!