Friday, February 18, 2011

Give em a uniform...

and they'll turn out to be a cunt!

My poor little lad. He's had so much grief from us over this, and it turns out to be the school at fault, not him.

On the days he takes a packed lunch to school he takes it in a really cool thermos bag with the Bat Symbol plastered on it.
He kept bringing it home full of crap though. Empty juice cartons, fruit peel, bits of crust... All the detritus really. Trouble is, his lunch bag can't be washed up. It has to be wiped clean. So we told him he had to remember to empty it every day. But he kept bringing it home full of crap, and we had to keep telling him off. In the end we told him we'd take away his favourite toy if he did it again. He did it again.

So, we took away his favourite toy. Any parent reading this will know how horrible you feel when you do this. But if you don't follow up on a threatened consequence then you lose all credibility in the kid's eyes.

I hated doing it, so to help him remember to empty his lunch bag I drew a little picture of the toy onto a sticky label, and stuck it inside his bag. He was chuffed to bits with this, and it helped him too. Until last Thursday when he came out of school nearly in tears because once again he'd been told by a dinner lady he couldn't throw his rubbish away.

The Breadknife was straight into the school. Had a chat with the school secretary who said that particular dinner lady was a law unto herself. My missus pointed out that as far as the boy goes, she is the law! :D The secretary agreed and said she'd have words.

Everything was hunky dory again until today. A different dinner lady stuck her oar in this time. The boy went to empty his lunch bag only to be told not to. He told the dinner lady that his Mummy had said it was okay and the way he described her reaction was to stamp his feet and shout "NO!" Now obviously I only have his word for this, but I can certainly imagine it happening.

What it boils down to, is that a lot of parents who send their kids in with packed lunches, want to be sure their kids are eating everything that's been packed, so have requested that the kids bring their detritus home. We don't need that. The boy has got a fantastic appetite and a great attitude towards food. He's not perfect but we know he can be trusted to eat properly.

What annoys me too, is that the kids who have a school packed lunch, or a hot dinner aren't made to take their leavings home. It's all a big bag of big baggy bollocks really.

My poor kid is confused as hell by all this. I know I'm ranting because he's mine, but he's just five years old and he's got adults telling him two different things.

Luckily for the school it's a) Friday, and b) half term next week. So, instead of being faced with an irate Mother for the second time in a fortnight they'll be receiving a polite, considered, but strongly worded e-mail. Hopefully this'll put an end to all the shite.

Oh, and the little fella has his toy back now.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

More minimateyness

Rather sweet set depicting Captain America through the ages. From WWII through the popsicle phase (complete with block of ice) to the 80's/90's armoured Cap, and then the modern (not Bucky cap) version. Lovely set of minimates. Shame it was a Toys R us Exclusive.

Did I ever mention the Toys R Us exclusive Union Jack figure? Minimates aren't CE marked anymore so you can't buy them in Europe or the UK. But they made an exclusive figure of a British superhero... That you can't buy in Britain.


Doesn't take long does it?

Suddenly I'm a shit blogger all over again. I get so many ideas for stuff to write and then, by the time I can sit down 'poooooof' and it's gone.

Some things that piss me off.


People that vote Tory.

Cunts (see above).

Anyone else notice how the day after looking a complete cunt on national television that oily git Cameron announces he's getting a nice cute kitty-kat for number 10. Aaaaaaaah ain't that lovely?


Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Banging on about Cycling again!

A mate sent me this link today to a BBC News Story about how cyclists are increasingly wearing camera's mounted to their helmets. After pointing out the chafing this was likely to cause inside my shorts I thought I'd give it a look. And it turns out to be a story very similar to experiences I have had nearly every day that I ride a bike either to or from work.

I should point out now, that I've been riding again for the last two years, I've always tried to obey the laws of the road, but it ain't easy. And it ain't easy for two reasons. Firstly other road users, principally in cars, and secondly The old bill. The latter don't care about us. The majority of the former couldn't give two shits! I have been cut up so many times it's practically a daily occurence. The amount of times a car has overtaken me and then had to screech to a halt because of the stationery traffic in front of it, is just unbelievable. And every time a car does that, I end up having to emergency brake so as not to slam into the back of it.
I have been undertaken on roundabouts, when I tried to report that to the Old Bill they could not have cared less. Did everything possible to put me off, including letting me know that the CPS probably wouldn't prosecute due to insufficient evidence and that if it did get to court the Driver I'd reported would likely find out where I lived. Make of that what you will.

I have had vehicles swerve across lanes at me, I had a van come so close to me on a roundabout once that I could bang on the fucking side of it! I had a DHL van overtake me, realise that it couldn't get in front due to stationery traffic, so just move left on me. I shouted out 'Where the fuck am I supposed to go?' and got back in front of the fucker. Only for the driver to intentionally bump my back wheel. I shit you not! Unfortunately for that driver his next drop was 100 yds up the road so I stopped and had a few words. Damage was done though, next day I had two broken spokes.

As I said earlier, I always try to follow the rules of the road, but sometimes the road is just too fucking scary, so I admit that I will on occasion ride on the path but I'm always on the lookout for pedestrians and will defer the right of way to them.
Another good reason for riding on the path is this article posted on the BBC news website last week. Until then it'd never occurred to me that six years after packing up fags I'd be doing my lungs just as much damage from breathing in diesel exhaust particulates. So yeah, I'll ride on the road and obey the rules, but if it gets too much then it's the footpath for me, Cycle paths when I can. Which brings me to another thing. Cycle paths and pedestrians. Our cycle path system in the UK is shit. it's laughable. But where there is one, I have a right to ride on it. Now, I'm always deferential to pedestrians... Pedestrians though don't tend to reciprocate. Twice in recent days I've had someone tell me I should be on the road. The first time I was on a cyclepath and manoeuvring around a bunch of fucktards who'd congregated behind a bus stop. Blocking the entire path for everyone.
The second time was tonight. Coming down a hill, on a cyclepath, there's two teenage kids in the middle of the path stood having a chat. One can see me, the other can't. So I slowed down, went out wide, and then saw the other bunch of kids at the top of a stairway. Sure enough one comes flying down at speed, I'd anticipated it, but still I barely miss her. She freaks, I tell her she should look where she's going. I tell her it's a cycle path. Cue abuse. Torrents of it. Water off a duck's arse cos I'm long gone, but all the same, there are signs everywhere saying it's a cyclepath. I bet that same kid rides her bike on the path all the time, but when it suits the pedestrian it's a footpath.

I know there are idiot cyclists out there, I see them everyday, I've even come a cropper because of their selfish actions. It amazes me how many cyclists I see wearing black clothes on a bike with no lights. They're asking for grief. Me? I'm dayglo fucking Derek! Lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree, and still I get carved up by callous uncaring cunts in their cars.

And really, that's what they are... Cunts! If you think it's okay to pass a cyclist at speed giving them six inches of space, then you're a callous uncaring selfish cunt. I don't care what your Mum thinks of you, I don't care what your partner, or your kids think of you, if your impatience maims or kills another human being then you are a callous insensitive cunt and I wish nothing but bad things upon you.

Much like the bad things I wish upon the idiots commenting on that first BBC story. Yes, there are cyclists that run red lights, yes there are cyclists that ride like absolute wankers on the footpaths. But the vast majority of us are ordinary people trying to get to work, or get home, just like you. We don't deserve the grief we get from motorists. One idiot said the bloke who recorded that video was just looking for a fight. There's no empathy whatsoever there. A man, has nearly been taken off of the road by a thug in a van. His adrenalin's gone through the roof and he's let the driver know he's there. Did he really deserve for that driver to suddenly stop and then confront him? No, but really?

One last thing. It appears that a few police forces are prepared to use video evidence to prosecute careless drivers (in the video on that 1st beeb story they should have prosecuted that cunt in the van for assault as well) in our brave new Big Society with it's vastly underfunded police forces. How likely do you think it'll be that they'll be using video evidence more and more to keep their solved crime figures up.

I'll be getting a helmet cam. I don't care about the chafing.