A funny thing happened on the way to the supermarket

It really could only happen to me. Saturday morning I drive into my local Sainsburys to get some petrol. The car in front of me wants to turn left. I want to go straight on. So I go around the outside of the car in front by using an empty filter lane for oncoming traffic. The reason the filter lane's empty is because cars are queued all the way along beside it and there's a traffic island just where it begins. So I'm not getting in anyones way or impeding anyone's progress by overtaking the motor in front.
Unfortunately someone has decided that they don't want to have to get into the line of traffic and then have to wait for it to move past the traffic island so they can get into their filter lane. So they've driven down the wrong side of the road past the traffic island and come face to face with... Me!

So there I am I can't move forward because this fuckwad in an Audi (you're right Rol) has blocked the way. I can't move back as there's a car behind me still trying to turn left. So I stick my head out of the window (having wound it down) and tell the woman in the Audi to reverse.

'No, you reverse!'

I'm a little stunned, I point out that the road behind her is empty and I can't go anywhere.

No, you reverse!'

I point out that she's on the wrong side of the road after attempting a very cheeky manouvre, and that it really is down to her to back up.

'No, you reverse, your car is where I want to be'

So I laugh at the preposterous bollocks of the situation, she tries to turn right across the front of my car, there's nowhere for her to go. I tell her that if she intentionally hits my car I'll have her. I'm beginning to lose my rag now.
She carries on mouthing off at me through her windscreen and making shooing gestures, her son who's in the front seat has covered his eyes in embarrassment. I've had enough and get out of my car, go over to her window which she winds down and trying to keep my temper tell her to move backwards.

'If you were a gentleman you'd move backwards'

'I'm not a gentleman, and you're an appalling driver, move your car you're making yourself look a complete idiot'.

'No, you move!'

So I get back in my car, look at her through my windscreen and fold my arms.

She's still mouthing off at me so I plant a beautific smile on me mush, knowing that this will drive her nuts.

Eventually she puts her car in reverse, people in the queue of traffic on the other side are staring at her like she's some kind of loon, yet she can't help but continue slagging me off to the woman waiting to join the queue who has allowed her to reverse back. She's so intent on slagging me off that she's completely unaware of the bloke who's actually sitting in the queue that's allowing her space to pull in front of him.

So I have to stick my head out of my window again and tell her to concentrate on what's going on.

She pulls into the traffic, her window's still open so I wish her a lovely day and blow her a kiss.
She screws her face up and screams at me 'you're a horrible rude tosser and I hope you FUCKING DIE!'

I laughed... Right. In. Her. Face!

I'm amazed that I didn't swear at her. Not once.

In the afternoon me the Bread and the Little Fella drove out to the scary Fens to meet up with Jo and Ro at Jo's mum's place.
It was a bloody nice afternoon and the perfect antidote to an angsty morning. Cheers Jo. x :)