WTF?!!!

Seriously though... What THE FUCK?!!!

I've always found those adverts for toy baby dolls that look and feel like a real infant to be somewhat disturbing.
Now this!

What really grates is how the advert goes on about it being the most realistic baby monkey EVER!
It's not a monkey, it's a fucking ape! It's not a baby, it's a fucking doll.
How mentally ill do you have to be. What level of loneliness do you have to be at, to even consider buying this?
It's dreadful. Fucking dreadful!

TATT

Tired All The TIME. That's me.
It's partly why I rarely blog anymore. Well that and the lunatic immediacy of Facebook. It's easier to swear on peoples statuses than it is to sit here daily and trot out the usual tirade of swearing and self-loathing. I dunno, I reckon it's time to close the blog. Anyone still bother checking in?

Irony... Much?

So there I am, riding home from work. Approaching a fairly narrow 'pinch point' where there's a traffic island in the middle of the road. I glance behind, see a car coming up on me and realise there's plenty of time for it to get around me before we get to the pinch point. The car passes me, I look behind again, there's another car approaching but to my mind not enough time for it to get around me. So I do what I always do in this situation, I move out toward the centre of the road. Most drivers will realise that what they were about to attempt is a bit fucking stupid and hold back for that brief moment in time that allows me to safely exit the pinch point and allows them to safely overtake me. Except, this fucker is still coming, so I move out a bit more, but they're still coming. They're now attempting to overtake me by driving up the turning point to the medical practice on the other side of the road. Their car is square on to the traffic island. I'm convinced the car is finally going to hold back, but no, it accelerates, hard! It just manages to slip between me and the traffic island, there's about a foot between me and a car. Now, a foot may seem like a fairly healthy distance between two objects, but when one object is travelling at 15mph and the other at 30mph + it's not much of a gap at all. Naturally I do my fucking nut at this stupid selfish ignorant cunt. Then I see the sticker in the back window. It says 'THINK BIKE!'

Hello, been a while hasn't it?

Fear became the ultimate tool of this government.

(C) The Gruaniad.

I love this picture.

I was prodded

Someone asked me when I was going to update and I realised that I'd not blogged since posting my 'hilarious' Valentines card. Thing is, I have so little time these days that I rarely get to sit at the computer and write when I have something to write about. I suppose I could have written about the 12 year old cunt who road raged me in his little hatchback. That would have made for a good post, but any ire I may have felt about that incident has pretty much evaporated now. Shall I be topical? The Government... Cunts, aren't they?

Did you hear about Jonathon Ross? He's obviously suffering from a bit of depression or something after the Daily Mail instigated witchhunt (and lets face it, if Piers Morgan is constantly slating you, you must be doing something right) But apparently Ross was cautioned by the old bill for pinching kitchen equipment. When questioned he said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

I'm onto the third control box on my electric bike. Not too happy about that as it's only 5 months old, but hopefully it's sorted now. Rather amusingly after the second one was fitted I noticed that one side of it was bulging out and there was a gap between it and the box. I took it in to the dealership and the bloke fixed it by hitting it with a hammer... I shit you not.

Watching The Wire on DVD, bought the first Box set for the Breadknife at Christmas and now we're hooked. We've just started series 4 this week. If you've not seen it give it a look. Like Battlestar Galactica it's just really intelligent TV that never patronises its audience. They're showing it on BBC2 right now. Give it a look, thank me later.

Er... That's it.

for the ladeeeeeeez

Death to fanatics!!!

I just read this http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7853325.stm and had to laugh at how religious people can get so twisted by their faith that they wish death and damnation on all who disagree with them. I also find that as I've become older I've become less tolerant of religion in all of its forms.

I used to be of the opinion that if someone chose to worship a particular diety then they should be free to do so. I even used to say that I respect their choice, respect that they have a faith.

I can't honestly say that I feel that way any more.
I see religion as a way of suppressing populaces. To me it's nothing but supernatural mumbo jumbo. A way to explain things that humanity didn't have the knowledge of, or science to analyse, that which we could not immediately explain or understand. I'm also sure that thousands of years ago it was very useful in making people behave in a civilised manner. Be good,or God will get you. High Priest/Priestess as Chief Constable perhaps? In it's worst aspect religion is twisted and used as a means for the powerful within that religion to whip up hatred against those that do not follow the religion. A banner beneath which the faithful and the uneducated can rally and use to justify all sorts of atrocities.

To be blunt religion really fucking offends me. The death and destruction in the name of whatever god just cannot be forgiven. The exploitation, the suppression, the barbarism practiced in the name of whatever deity. It just cannot be forgiven.

Why should I respect people's religion? Do the religious respect my atheism? Of course they don't. How can they, if they truly believe in their particular god?

The sooner we shake off these stupid hangovers from a less enlightened age the happier we'll be as a race. Gah!

Prince of the road

Cycling home Wednesday night through thick fog wasn't much fun. I did get a brief respite when I got shouted at as I sailed past what appeared to be a broken down car with its hazards flashing. It barely registered that it was me being shouted at, so I looked over my shoulder to see a very forlorn looking young lady watching me fade into the distance.

Being a lovely bloke (not wanting to blow my own trumpet, like) I turned back to see if she was ok. Turns out her mate's care had a flat battery, she'd bought some jump leads along but being a girl didn't know how to use them (her words, not mine!) So after a bit of messing about involving getting her mate to roll the broken down car backwards so that we could a) Get the car providing the jumpstart in front of the car requiring the jump, thus enabling the leads to actually reach the respective batteries. And b) Get the car providing the jumpstart out of the fucking road so that other cars could actually get past. Tch! Fucking wimmin eh? *raises eyebrows* :D Job done, cars started, friendly advice imparted on not just driving round the corner and parking up, but taking it for a spin around the city to get some juice back in the battery, and then I'm on my way.

By now the fog had also lifted so I was feeling pretty good about things. Then I get to the 'country' part of my journey. Fuck me! I cannot see a fucking thing. I've got two really good front lights on the bike. One points at the road, the other I use in low visibility so that I can see the side of the road. The one that points straight ahead is useless. All I can see is a cone of light stretching out in front of me, all it's illuminating is fog. Cycling through it is the most bizarre experience, it's like having your senses turned down to 3. Everything's muted, there's no input. It's like moving through a ghost world but there's real terror whenever I'm aware that a car is approaching, either from the front or rear. A really really unpleasant experience. I dunno why I'm even bothering to write all this. It's not very interesting really is it? Ah well, it's written now, and you've got to the end of it and thought to yourself, 'for fuck's sake, is that it?'

Yes, yes that's it!

Choo! :D

Art as political statement

I do enjoy a bit of arty cheekiness. Especially when it upsets stuffed shirt fartknockers. :)

Utter Fucking

CUNTS!

. The cunt that tries to overtake me when there's a traffic island in the road. The road is only so wide, there is a big lump of concrete in it. I do not magically disappear when you try to overtake me you stupid thick ignorant cunt!

. The cunt who overtakes me so closely that I can feel the paintwork on their car. You are a cunt! You cunting irresponsible cuntox! I hope your feet fall off. Preferably just as you take the first step on a really big escalator.

. The cunt who overtook me on a blind bend. A blind bend. That's three of us you could have killed. You, Me, and the person driving the car that's coming the other way. You don't know they're there until they're there. You stupid stupid pigshit ignorant fucking cunt!

. Then there's the cunt from this morning that, while on a very narrow street with cars parked either side thought it was perfectly acceptable to drive straight at me instead of pulling over to the left where there was a space for you to pull into. Yes, you did look surprised as I shouted 'Fuck off you stupid Twat' didn't you? Even more surprised when I shouted 'For Fuck's sake, there's a space you could have pulled into'. And as for your boyfriend, well he just wouldn't even dare make eye contact with me. You pair of pathetic cunts.

I love cycling. I hate car drivers. They mainly appear to be cunts!