!esrA

Huzzah!
I have the internet back. Fuck me, what a palaver!
I bought a modem from PC world. Wouldn't work. Rung my ISP who said stick with us for another year we'll give you a new modem. Six quid postage/admin fee though. Fair enough I thought. It'll be with you in two to three days sir, lovely, thinks I. Next day I called the ISP to make sure the Modem had been despatched. Yes sir we despatched it this afternoon.

This Afternoon?

Yes sir.

This AFTERNOON?

Yes sir.

Why?

Sir?

Why, has it only been despatched this afternoon? I called you at nine in the morning yesterday. Why wasn't it despatched yesterday?

Ah sir, you see, we had software problems which meant we could not process your payment.

How, is that my problem? You have all my details. I've been a customer for two years. I"ve never ever missed a payment.

Yes sir, but we can't send out hardware without processing your payment.

Again, how's that my problem?

...

I guess I won't be seeing my Modem tomorrow will I?

No sir, probably not.

Will I see it Monday?

Ah, it's two to three working days sir.

What?!! What sort of service have I just paid Six pounds for?

Second class post sir!

'Click'

Six pounds for second class post. They're having a bleeding giraffe! Fucking thing finally arrived today. Post dated Monday the 25th. So they hadn't even put it in the post on Friday.

I ain't impressed, but I am connected to the net again.
Fuck but it's weird, I feel like I've been through cold turkey. On the plus side I've played loads of Star Wars Lego. :) It's great once you unlock Vader as a playable character, I'm determined to see this fucker through to the end. So, how've you all been? Miss me? Yeah, right! You lying fuckers! :D

Arse!

We had a massive thunderstorm Tuesday night and it's killed my modem dead. I have no internet at home. I am very very very fucked off about it.

I am being really crap

at updating this blog aren't I? I've been back a week and have barely mentioned me holiday. It was a bit of an odd one really. We stayed with my in-laws who I get on fine with but being in someone elses house is always a bit tricky. It's a nice part of the world. Very very rural, even moreso than Nuffulk which surprised me. Plenty hot, and plenty of fucking flies which all have the same name. The name of cunt. Fuck but they were annoying! After about 3 days the little fella has learned how to say 'go away' with the accompanying shooing gesture. He does this everytime someone says 'go away' now. FrenchFranceland also has snakes. Specifically Vipers. Now I have rather foolishly picked up a viper in the past and got away with it. Having nearly trod on one in the back garden while wearing sandals (and carrying t'littlefella) I have a new respect for them. They're fast. Very fast indeed. Thank fuck it was racing away from me rather than at me. Really put the shits up!

The French did their best to dispel a lot of myths about them. Their food's not great, they're not that good looking, and their fashion sense is hilarious. In a lot of ways they're just like us, but much much friendlier. Surprising non?

Changing the subject slightly can I just say...

Sheffield Utd, you can fuck right off. You're stupid whiny pathetic cunts! Your fans are gullible cunts who've been sucked in by your constant rhetoric about how West Ham are cheats. That' all you do. Call us cheats. It's pathetic. It's juvenile, and it's tiresome. How about acquainting yourself with the facts from a source other than your own chairman or a redtop newspaper. Twats!

I apologise to the entire internet

for the recent acute lack of swearage. I have been on holiday in French Franceland which meant I had to get on a plane which I hate. Really really really HATE!

I tell you what kids. Flying with a kid sitting on your lap is really no fun at all. You become acutely aware of all the people sitting around you when your nipper is having a total paddy cos he can't go where he wants. We were stuck on the ground at Stansted for 40 minutes dues to a power cut. It was hell. Absolute hell! The plane was hot, the little fella was grumpy as hell and I think I ground my teeth into pegs. He was great once we were in the air. In fact he absolutely loved flying, and landing. Showed me up something rotten by clapping and laughing and whoooping with joy when we were landing. I on the other hand was absolutely shiteing it. I hate flying. I'll post some pictures later and possibly some stuff about France if I ever get any spare time ever again.
In the meantime here's a word from our sponsors

Cunting Fuckpigs!

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