On a happier note (Big Game hunting in Norwich)

Last Sunday we took the little fella into Town (Norwichites hate that, 'It's a City!' they cry) for lunch. On the way we stopped and admired the herd of elephants that have trampled into town. These are just a few that we saw. At some point I'm going to make a point of visiting the Bus station so that I can get a picture of the heffalump with a Tardis on its' back. :)

You can see all the heffalumps here











More about 'Go Elephants' here

It's happened again!

Another one of my cats has been killed!
We'd had Gus four months and some bastard just ploughed through him right outside my house.
In a 30 mile an hour zone. Kids play in my street. What sort of a cunt drives so fast they can kill a cat instantly and not even bother to stop. There weren't even skid marks. I live in the middle of nowhere, my road goes nowhere, there's a school on the corner. Cuntcuntcuntcuntcunt!

Floored!

I wrote this back in 2006 about a weird dream I'd had.
Out of the blue I get a message on Facebook today from my old best mate. We've not seen each other for 19 years now, but it turns out both of us have been wondering how the other is getting on. More to the point, he's been trying to contact me but has been searching using my real first name, and I've been trying to find him using his old name, but he's adopted his stepfather's surname. It's all very odd but I'm relieved that a) We've finally made contact, and b) We're getting on well.

Lost in Translation

Scanning the news as you do, and I came across this snippet. Now I don't know all the facts regarding the conflict between the Phillipino government, and what appears to be an armed opposition. But my initial surprise at seeing that government appease a proto military organisation and giving them more land to self-govern, turned to laughter when I saw the acronym of said group.

New Adventures in Plastic Kiddy Crap pt2

Photo0115.jpg
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

Now for a toy geek this is sweet as a nut. This figure is from the now defunct Marvel Legends Showdown line. It's very rare indeed, being a chase figure in a series that just wasn't produced in huge quantities. In the States it goes upwards of thirty dollars. I paid a fiver plus a couple of quid postage. For once e-bay came up trumps.

New Adventures in plastic kiddy crap

dc8.jpg
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

Yaaayyy! DC wave 8 arrived.
Boooooo! DC Wave 8 is the final wave.
It's a shame the series is ending so soon. There was some amazing design going on in some of the characters, but it appears that the company who produced them just didn't understand what they had.

Fuckwits!

Gaggle

Anyone else get goosed on the way to work this morning?

Ooops!

Blimey. A month. A lot of the reason for not posting is not having time. The other reason for not posting is not really having much to say. Things are hectic. The new cat seems to like pissing indoors which I'm not at all happy about. On the other hand the little fellas seems to like pissing in a potty and has taken to it like the proverbial duck. Only downside is that he's waking up at 6:30 am cos he wants a pee. Fine during the week, not so good at the weekends! :(

Dr Who's been a bit fucking good innit. I want a toy Dalek Caan! :D

crapness

Haven't posted for ages due to having no time. That's not because I have a rich and varied social life,
I just haven't had any time. Most of last week I was up to my eyeballs in moving office to a shithole on the other side of town. Where I once had a 20 minute bike ride I now delight in a 30 - 40 minute car journey along some of Narj's most delightful aspects of carriage way. My journey is 12 miles.

Another example of shitness is the way my work organised our move. To sum up they didn't.
We moved into a building site. We had no phones or computers for the best part of a week. To call it a shambles would give shambles a bad name. It was a monumental fuck up and I ain't at all happy. Even worse... I can't blog from work it seems. Every time I log in I get a curse of fatal death dialog box pop up and Internet Exploder implodes. It really is a bit rubbish. On a happier note I should be getting a very sexy phone tomorrow. Probably end up dropping it!

Gone fishing

Now I'm more than aware that the beeb have run this story to get the usual gang of idiots foaming at the mouth but honestly, what sort of moron trots this kind of crap out? The man's an elected councillor and he's got nothing better to do than bait the media/local right wing contingent with bollocks like this?

Nuffin's yer own is it?

Have a look at this.

Some cunt's lifting peoples gig photo's off of Flickr, printing them on photo stock paper and selling them on ebay as his own. And he's got the front to claim them as his own copyright. If you come across this willypenc anywhere make sure you tell him he's a thieving bastard.

Oh, and Flickr and ebay don't want to know. So if you've a Flickr account be aware.

Gus

There was a sense of inevitability when the Breadknife casually mentioned she'd seen on her work intranet that someone was trying to offload a couple of cats. One of them's a British Blue she said (knowing full well that I like that breed) He's four years old. Do you think it'd be nice to have another boycat around the place? Well yeah, actually it would. We've not had a boycat since Hobbes died and that was summer 2005. It was time we did something about that. So the Bread went to see him and came back full of how lovely he was.

So we adopted him. He's great, very affectionate, but by god he's fat. Blue's are a big breed anyway but this chap's arse is about a foot wide! He's also a bit of a puff. He's still not faced Isis down and she's barely half the size of him.

Here he be.

Remind me.

I need to blog about Gus.

Bizzy day

Very busy indeed.

Off to the village fete to do village fete type things, such as wait in line for an hour for a burger, and wrestle a very pissed off little fella out of a cop car. Then home to do some gardening. Mow the lawn. Bit of spot hoeing. Trim the borders. Bit of strimming. In all this time I was in and out of my shed swapping tools as you do. I'm not sure why I glanced up but when I did glance up I thought to myself 'Why is there half a birds egg hanging off of my shed ceiling?'. This thought was immediately followed by 'Fucking hell, that's a big wasp'.

2

+

2

Oh my fucking good gawd, there's a wasp building a nest six inches above my head.

It was a big wasp. I'm fucking terrified of wasps. I beat a hasty retreat and waited for the breadknife to offer to kill it for me. :D
I really am that scared of em. I do sometimes wonder how I stuck 12 years of working as a gardener.



This be it. My cameraphone doesn't really do it justice. It's so fragile, barely the thickness of a piece of A4 paper.

It never rains

but it pours. And no I'm not talking about jugs. And no, that wasn't a euphemism.

We had an absolute fucking deluge (including thunderstorm) yesterday. Obviously I was concerned that my broadband connection was going to get stuffed up again. When I got home the first thing I checked was t'internet and that was fine. Then I noticed the flashing clock on the microwave. Hurrah another powercut. A stray raindrop must have hit a powerline, or maybe a fag paper blew against a pylon? It didn't occur to me that the heating clock was up the swannee until much later in the evening when my bath runneth cold. So we sort the clock and wait for the boiler to fire but alack it merely makes an odd buzzing sound. Then we notice the water. It's pooling under the boiler. Not a huge amount of water but all the same it's not what you want to see.
Turns out the rain had come down so hard and the wind had been so fierce, that's it's sent water through the flue which has soaked the main printed circuit board. We had that PCB replaced 18 months ago at a cost of £170.00. Now we need a new one. It has to be ordered. It's Friday, Monday is a bank holiday. Thank fuck we have an emersion heater and a wood burning stove.

I hate my house. It's shit!

Goodbye Abbie

Thanks for all the good times. ;)

Albert Hoffman dies

You couldn't make it up

So I have my broadband back. Fantastic.
And it's three times faster than it was before. Incredible.
This morning out of courtesy I ask my neighbour if her broadband is still working.
It went off yesterday. Probably at the same time as mine was fixed.

Hmmmm....

So, on the 19th of April my neighbour's connection is sorted out and my phone and broadband are down the shitter. 10 days later I get my broadband back and my neighbours goes down the shitter. Neither of us are impressed. I called BT to try and see if we can prevent it from happening again and was told that there's no one I can talk to about that. They can only respond when things go wrong, they don't do preventative.

How shit is that?

One of the largest companies in the world, making more money per second than I'll make in a lifetime and they can't (or rather won't) get their act together to make sure that they don't cut me off again in the near future.

Utter utter inept cunts!

Me and the neighbour are going to make the next engineer aware of the potential problem. I may be holding secateurs at the time.

Reeeeeeesult

The internet is saved. I'm back online baby!
Someone had fucked up a connection in a junction box. It's sorted.
As a bonus the engineer reckons he was getting 1.5mps when he was testing the line.
Slightly better than the 256kbs my ISP says I can have.
We'll be having words.

Gr@@@@@@@@@@hhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Still no fucking broadband.
Spoke to the isp on Saturday and the guy I was talking to expressed disbelief at the fact that a)BT hadn't sorted it. b) No one had arranged for an engineer to come out. c) That no one had thought to at least give me a dial up number to use. Which he did. And I have a BT engineer coming out tomorrow morning.
I'm hoping to be back online by tomorrow.

I'm deluded aren't I?

Hulk Smash!!!

It's times like this you really want to 'Hulk out' and smash the shit out of something corporate. Unfortunately I'm as puny as puny Banner so all I can do is be forthright on the phone and try not to lapse into default sweary mind, but for fuck's sake... I'm still without net access. The DSL light on my modem blinks at me like a stupid child. I called my ISP three times yesterday. The first time I had the standard foreign call centre working from a script bollocks. The second time after some stern negotiation :D I got through to someone who knew what they were on about but still gave me corporate bollocks while promising to keep me apprised of developments. The third attempt I got a result. I was polite but firm. Expressed my frustration and displeasure in the nicest possible way. Got the guy to admit that they hadn't actually called BT but were using the automated fault reporting system that BT wholesale (the cunts that sell the internet to all the other isp's) have in place. Was assured that BT wholesale wouldn't favour BT Internet customers over those of other ISP's (yeah... Riiiiiiiiiight) and that he'd call BT himself and get back to me within the hour.

And he did! :o

It turns out there's a complex fault on my line and it's been referred to BT's complex fault people. What this actually means is, that there's something wrong with a circuit at the phone exchange and they have to send in a real human engineer to do some actual work, rather than turning things off and on again via a computer.

I still have no idea when I get my home connection back.

I'm very very pissed off.

Cunts!

Six days

GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CUNTSCUNTSCUNTSCUNTSCUNTS!

And still...

No internet connection at home.
It took me the best part of an hour to convince my ISP to take it up with BT. At one point they told me that after I'd plugged the modem into my BT test socket I should wait 3 hours to see if the connection stabilised and if it didn't I was to ring back.
Fuck that! It took some gentle persuasion but eventually the call centre chappy saw my point of view.

The breadknife took a call from them (the ISP) yesterday. The guy she spoke to was pretty good (for a change) he's identified a rather large problem with the line. I think he went to turn down the gain and ended up cutting the connection, which is interesting. I obviously have a shite phone line.

I'm investigating mobile broadband now. It appears I can pay less and get a better connection speed using the mobile network than I can using BT's infrastructure. I'd absolutely love it if I could ring BT up and cancel the phone completely. :)

update: Perhaps I won't bother looking into mobile broadband right now. This is a reply from T-Mobile to my enquiry

"Thanks for your email Rad, asking me if you can try our Mobile Broadband service without going to any commitment. Also asking if our Mobile Broadband service is better than his landline service.



I can understand how concerned you may be about accessing internet with the Mobile Broadband of your choice. I'll surely advice you on this.



I'd like to tell you that our Mobile Broadband service will be better than your landline based service. As you'll be able to access internet on your mobile phone at a fixed price of £7.50 per MB extra every month. However I'm afraid to tell you that you'll not be able to use it for trial without going to any commitment.



However if you wish to view our various price plans with this service please click here.



Alternatively for any further information you can contact our customer services on 150 from your T-Mobile phone or 08454125000 from a landline (Landline calls are charged at local rates if you're a BT customer but if you're with another provider it may cost a bit more, so do check). We're available everyday from 7am to 10pm.



Thanks again for taking the time to email me Rad, I hope the information I've provided you regarding the Mobile Broadband service and its plans will be useful.



If you have any further questions, please feel free to email me and I'll be glad to help you.


Kind regards"

Doesn't really instill confidence does it? I didn't ask about mobile phone broadband, I asked about mobile broadband via a usb stick or dongle that you plug into your computer. I've also done some digging today and it appears that a lot of people using mobile broadband on all the networks are not best pleased with their service. Ho hum!

Cut off my right arm while you're at it.

BT: British Telecom; What a bunch of cunts.
My poor old next door neighbour has had no internet for a month. Kind of their fault for going with Talk Talk but they saw the error of their ways and signed up to BT again. BT turn up saturday morning to sort out their line. Saturday afternoon they have their internet, I have no phone and no internet. Now it doesn't take a degree in advanced mathmatics to add 2+2 and conclude that BT fucked up my phoneline on Saturday morning. So when will they fix it I ask the lovely Scottish person who's talking on BT's faultline. MONDAY AFTERNOON!!! WHAT THE FUCK! YOU BREAK IT AND THEN FUCK OFF FOR TWO DAYS? Ah silly me, of course, you endeavour to fix things in one working day. Tomorrow's Sunday. Therefore I can sit and spin. Well thank you very fucking much. State approved monopolies. Doncha just love em?

An old git writes...

Kids and mobile phones. Specifically kids playing their music aloud from their mobile phones. They're cunts really aren't they?

No mate, it really was funny

He got cautioned for anti social behaviour for doing this

Seems strange that people on council estates that get their windows put through. Graffiti daubed on their walls, and their children picked on, get fuck all protection against anti-social behaviour. But pretend to sneeze on some posh cunt's back and you're public enemy number one!

Poor cunt would have been hauled off to the Gulag if it'd been Brown.

Last week, I yar mostly being

... In Darzet! Which is in the Wez Gunry and is very nice.
We had weather. It was mainly sunny but a bit chilly. We had fun. We had booze. We had Fish and Chips at the seaside. Well, I had Sossinbatter and the Bread had Pineapple fritter, but you get the general idea. We had curry at a most excellent curry house in Dorchester. It's called Masala but don't let that put you off. Very good food. We also had a 12 hour journey to get there. Oh how we laughed when at 11am we came to grinding halt on the M11 just outside Harlow. We tuned in to the local news and discovered there had been a nasty accident at 8:30am and the road was closed. So it had been closed since 8.30 and yet they were still allowing cars to join the M11.

How efficient of our police.

Being in a huge traffic jam is bad enough. Factor in a two year old in the back seat and you have the definition of hell. To be fair to the little fella he was as good as gold. But obviously he got bored and he'd lose it. I have to admit to losing it myself on a couple of occasions, the pressure was a bit intense. At 3 o'clock, yes that's right Three 'o' clock in the afternoon we finally reached the outskirts of Harlow where our brilliant Police force were happily diverting all the M11 traffic through Harlow Town centre... On a Saturday. How clever!

We thought 'bollocks to that' and headed for Royden in Essex where we hoped to be able to find another way on to the M25. Before that though we stopped to change the little fella's nappy. Poor little mite had been in the same nappy since 9 in the morning. Luckily we'd opted to go disposables for the holiday (we use linen nappies at home) because quite frankly carrying a stinking nappy bucket around for a week didn't sound like a barrel of laughs. We stopped in a little strip mall type place and the little fella had his first ever McShit :D. Poor little fella was absolutely soaked, his nappy had finally given up the ghost so we had to change his vest and trousers but really he'd been so good not to complain about it. Now then, I've not been in a McDonalds for years. Partly because of the food (Burger King's much yummier) but also because of the McLibel case from a decade or so back, when McDonalds went after a couple of Greenpeace workers through the courts. However principles be damned. I was hungry. Gimme a fucking quarter pounder and some chips.

BEST. BURGER. EVER! :D

Mind you, I was so hungry I'd have eaten a horses arse. To be fair to McD's it wasn't a bad burger at all and the staff were fucking excellent. The breadknifes food was going to take a while so they said to sit down with our drinks and they'd bring it over. I've never experienced that in a fast food joint before.

Anyroad up... Royden... We sort of went through it, very expensive. Could we find the turn off we wanted? Could we bollocks! We ended up in Epping and picked our way down to the M25. The rest of the journey was thankfully uneventful. Even around Heathrow it was quiet. Not a suitcase to be seen. But, we finally found our place (in the dark) at gone nine in the evening. We were all shot through. Absolutely brain dead, grumpy and frazzled. And the fucking garage up the road from us had just shot so we had to drive to the next town to get some milk. Gah!

It turns out the whole nightmare was down to these cunts. They'd twocked a car in Twickenham, looks like they may have also burgled the house for the keys, and ended up smashing the shite out of it in Essex. I hope the two cunts that survived feel guilty for the rest of their lives and end up getting very sore bottoms indeed.

Still after all that we had a nice holiday. I might even post pictures at some point.

Leg-End

Well the end may be in sight.
After 16 months of what has at times been quite excruciating pain I finally have a firm diagnosis.

It's taken 16 months 3 GP's, One Urologist, 2 Physiotherapists, X-Rays, Ultrasound scans, and finally a consultation with an orthopaedic registrar. He tells me that I've damaged an adductor muscle where it attaches to my pelvis. It's very very common in cyclists (which I am) and will get better on it's own, but I'm welcome to go back any time and have a steroid injection if I don't feel it's healing fast enough.

The pain's not been that bad recently so I've opted for the time being to see how things go. I've also been told to go swimming as low impact exercise will promote the healing. The thought of me in public in nothing but swim trunks fills me with dread. Add to that the fact that I'm really shite at swimming. I told the doc I'm really uncoordinated, he said he could tell as despite my having very large leg muscles I couldn't push his hands much more than six inches above the examination couch. He was only using his index fingers to push against my shinss and I was straining like billy'o pushing against them. That's a bit crap innit?

I really really don't want to go swimming. But I'm going to have to. Aren't I?

(ooh look, less than a month between posts too!)

An entire month!!!

That's appallingly tardy even for me.
Still at least I have something to blog that doesn't involve unsolved pain, depression, or how crap my family can be at times (not all of them). It snowed. It really really snowed. Thankfully I didn't have to go to work in it. So this is what I did.











We called him Eric.

Milestone

Good god has it really been twenty days? I've been shamed into posting! :D
Actually I do have something to blog. The little fella slept in a bed for the first time last night. I've been dreading going from cot to bed, but he was as good as gold and apart from stirring a bit around 10pm he slept right through until 7am. I am chuffed.

In other news ... Toys toys toys. I really must update with a few more of my recent goodies.

New acquisitions, excellent.

Just a couple more Clone Troopers. I think they're rather snazzy.

The innate crapness of Britain

It snowed yesterday. It was a bit windy too. We had massive amounts of snowfall. Some people say it was possibly an entire inch, maybe less. It was a bit windy too. The trees opposite were moving a bit. I was in the bath doing bathy things. The power went off. It was 7:30 in the evening.

It came back on at 2:30am. I'd left a lamp on so I'd wake up. We went and sorted the heating clock, and the microwave things like that. at 2:45am the fucking power went again! We only knew this because the phone peeped in the phoney fashion when you place them back on their dock. So we got up and sorted all the clocks. Again!

This will be our 4 or 5th major power cut in about three years. I suspect our privatised electricity companies are possibly not investing in the infrastructure they got for fuck all money.

Britain can be really shit sometimes.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Finally I gets me a Wii. It's been a journey.
I asked for and received Amazon vouchers for my Buffdy and Xmas, these were going to be put towards the purchase of a Nintendo Wii. I had no idea at this point, that a console that was released mid to late 2006 was going to be more scarce than a Labour politician's integrity. Christmas came and I went online, no Wii's in stock. At least not direct from Amazon. There were plenty of marketplace sellers listing them at anything upward of £230.00 for a £180.00 console. Cunts!. Every day I'd log on to Amazon, every day nada but the marketplace sellers were doing just fine. Prices were stabilising around £250.00 there was no way I'd even entertain buying from one of these parasites but as it was I couldn't have if I'd wanted to because you can't use Amazon vouchers when buying from marketplace sellers.

So I kept checking, and kept checking and then discovered the discussion forums where daily tales of wiiless woes were swapped. T'was no fun. Finally on the 18th of January I logged on and there it was a Nintendo Wii £179.98 hurry only three left.
So I clickied one clicky and there it was... Confirmation! Huzzah!

So imagine my delight when the confirmation e-mail landed in my inbox with an estimated delivery date of ... 20th March 2008.
I wasn't happy, then I was resigned. At least I'd got one... Right?
I checked the forums and there was another bloke in the same boat, so I left a message saying it wasn't just him. Then, after that people started popping up saying they'd ordered the day after, and the day after that, and their Wii's were already on the way. I emailed Amazon customer services I heard nothing. The next day I called them spoke to a bloke who sounded as though he were several miles away. He explained that although Amazon said I'd got one I hadn't as several other people clicked on one clicky nano-seconds before me. I wasn't happy. I asked why people who'd ordered after me were getting their stuff? He couldn't answer me and conveniently the phone line dropped out. I composed a very very stinky letter to Amazon customer services. I didn't swear but was not very polite. I expressed my disappointment at the lack of contact. I demanded my money back. I stamped my feet and scweamed and scweamed and scweamed.

I clicked on send. Then went back to my inbox. In my inbox was a very apologetic e-mail from Amazon saying it was a glitch and my Wii was on the way.

I felt foolish.

Then I thought nah bollocks to that. They should have got back to me much sooner. It was probably only because of the phone call that the matter was investigated. It's too coincidental. So anyway finally I has Wii. Was it worth the wait? Oh yes! Fucking hell but it's good fun. Updates to this blog may be even more sporadic than of late. :D Expect one in March.

A really good way to integrate diverse peoples, communities, and cultures in a secular society

Is to make sure that special dispensations or considerations aren't constantly dished out to one small sector of that society.

I despair!

TV & Movie Minimates

TV & Movie Minimates
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

Bored and wanting to muck about more with this blog function on flickr. Here's more Minimates. Faboo!

24 MINIMATES

24 MINIMATES
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

These are pretty funky. A buddy over in the states sent them to me gratis. I wasn't going to collect this line but I think I'm hooked already. Jack Bauer's brilliant but Stupid Kimmy is fantastic

(posting this direct from Flickr to see how it works)

Well what a load of old shit then...

Happy Birthday/Christmas...

Certain members of my family are going to be sooo disappointed when their birthdays come around this year.

Cunts.

LOOK OUT!!!

Taken on my phone back in the summer! :)

New Acquisitions

Next month sees little fella's 2nd birthday. He's a big fan of fishies in fishie tanks so we've bought him his own. We've set it up now, well... Because we wanted to. He owns three fish right now. Two American Flag Fish (called George and Laura) and a loach named Ken. They're faboo!

Tomorrow isn't NME day

I'm not particularly a fan of Morrissey, I wasn't that big a fan of the Smiths either. I read last weeks interview with Morrissey and knew right away that the NME was trying to stir up some notoriety for themselves. Anyone who's read the article can see it was a stitch up. Morrissey pines for an England that never was and perhaps foolishly mentions immigration as one of the reasons that England will never exist again. This is what the NME pounced on to demonstrate that old Mozzer's just a big old fascist bastard after all. Cunt!

Excuse me... But BOLLOCKS!

This looks to me like a blatant attempt on the NME's part to boost circulation. Well they fucked up, they fucked up big time. Anyone with half a brain is going to have read that interview and the resulting hyperbole and realised what's going on.

I'm not buying tomorrows NME. I won't be buying it next week or the week after that either. I'm sure they're not at all bothered that a 38 year old man won't be buying what they themselves see as a 'yoof' publication anyway. But I wonder how many more people who've put up with the full page photos where there used to be news articles, with the editorial dumbing down, with the climbing into bed with companies that sponsor their tours. With the emphasis on shit fashion rather than youth culture, will also not be buying NME in future? I suspect it'll be more than just me.

Circulation may blip due to the current controversy, but I think a lot of people who are perhaps picking it up for the first time in a few years will find todays NME a bit of a joke.

Goodbye NME, it was fun for a while, but now you're just shit!
No really, fuck off!

I got a letter from the government the other day

opened and read it. It said they were suckers!

Well actually it was today I got it. A nice apology from Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs apologising for losing the personal details of myself, my Wife and my two year old child, as well as twenty five million other people across the country.

I feel so much better now that they've apologised. I'm not at all worried now.

Cunting fucking incompetent MUPPETS!

Tell me I'm wrong

See now, I'm not sure what protesters are hoping to achieve when they're protesting against someones right to free speech.

Griffin and Irving are foul contemptible people but in this country we do have a right to express ourselves regardless of political viewpoint. I'd have liked to have seen the ideologies and opinions of both of these men verbally slapped down and put in their place via debate.

Instead the protesters, no matter how well intentioned are actually veering dangerously close to fascism themselves by trying to deny these idiots their right to speak.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Is Fifteen Quid the new Tenner?

It might as well be.

£1.02 for a litre of petrol!
Fackin aaaaaahtraaaaaaaaaaaaageous!

I call him Tiny

...

No, not because he's my cock!

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of weeks now... Look, look what I found. A couple of weeks ago I was working on one of the borders in me garden. I'm ripping out the huge daisies I had growing and will be replacing them with a nice mix of perennial herbaceous and the odd shrub. So as I'm digging over the bed I spot this little fella (actually, I think it's a lady) who I appear to have disturbed. I was really impressed. I've not seen one of these since I was in me early teens. Being mindful of weather and predators I relocated it to the space under me shed. I hope it's okay.

British Government in Sensible Decision Shocker

NHS gives private sector the boot

Okay, millions upon millions of taxpayer pounds have been wasted. But millions upon millions more will be saved. Plus those millions should (I say should with emphasis) be ploughed back into the NHS. Only a complete fucking moron tries to farm out NHS operations to the private sector. It seems oddly coincidental that this decision has been taken only after Tony Blair and Patricia Hewitt have gone. Still, for once I'm happy, someone somewhere has realised enough is enough and rather than stick their head in the sand and use made up statistics to justify a poorly thought out scheme, they've had the intestinal fortitude to make a hard decision.

Miserable

*slump*

Oi, Final Prophet bloke

Enough.
Enough of your vile badly written faux-religious tracts you evil racist sack of shit.
You hold yourself above all others with your reactionary rants, you dare to tell us how to live. Go fuck yourself and your 5 mile long comments. Stop stinking up my comment box you cunt! Kill yourself and make the world a better place.

Really

FUCKED OFF!

My job's shit. My employer wastes public money, and people talk to me like I'm the cunt.

Fuck this!

Oh dear, I really am crap at this blogging fing.

Not posted for a week, again!
Shit, innit?
Then again the blog's a bit shit anyway. Most of the blogs I read are updated only sporadically now as well. Are we all getting bored with blogging?

What's going on with me then? Well... Yesterday I went to a big hospital for scans and x-rays. Hopefully I'll finally find out what's wrong with me. I've neglected to mention that I've been ill since January haven't I? Well, not exactly ill, more like in pain. First of all I thought there was something wrong with my bollocks but medical science says no. One good thing about this is that I've lost pretty much any inhibition at presenting my pocket theme park on demand and no longer worry about the ambient temperature either. It appears that it's more likely to be something up with my hip. I'm just waiting to see if the X-Rays find anything. If not then it could be nerve related. I'm more than a little fucked off with all this and sometimes wonder if I'm liable to be in pain for the rest of my life.

In other news the little fella is fab and I've posted some pictures to Flickr of him enjoying breakfast with a pal. That's about it.

Not again!

I'm fucking ill, and pissed off too. Bleagh!
Pictures of female readers in nurses outfits would go a long way toward a cure.
Your selfless act could save a life.

Ithengyew.

Plasticky Glee!

It's not every day you find 21 minimates posted through your door, well alright handed to you by the postie, all at once.

Lookit! Look look

Marvel wave 16 THE AVENGERS!!! How sweet are they?



Classic Spider-Man Boxset featuring Hydro-Man (he's the one with the clear plastic arms. I forgot to add his splashy watery extension thingys.


DC wave 5 SHAZAM!


It's very quiet around here these days. Have you all fucked off or what?

For anyone who's ever seen Real Football Factories

Found this over at http:www.kumb.com/forums Absolute class this is. Pwoppa Nawtee an no mistake.

Lego Genius!

Fat bloke pegs it.

September 5th Pavarotti.
September 6th Pavarottin'.

There's only one way of life...

And that's your own, that's your own, that's your own.

Remember that? That was The Levellers hit single back in the early 90's. A clarion call to middle class drop outs and trustafarians up and down the country to wear stinking clothes, not wash their hair, and try to ponce money off of us fucking idiots that go out to work every day. I used to work as a gardener and for 3 or 4 summers we used to end up with these cunts sleeping on the park bandstand so that no one else could use it. I'm not kidding they'd live on it from may through to september. Then they'd probably fuck off home and have a shower, while I, the cunt that went to work and contributed to their dole money cleaned up their discarded bedding and needles.

I fucking hated crusties. The breadknife and her mates were all into the Levellers, Back to the Planet, Radical Dance Faction and the like. Actually I quite liked Radical Dance Faction, they had a mad dub thing going on. But the trouble with all these band were their fans. Middle class crusty kids and scabby new age travellers. I once went to see The Levellers at Cambridge corn exchange with the Bread and one of her old schoolmates. While in the foyer they bumped into an old school friend of theirs, they're having a chat with this bloke and I'm standing on the periphery of there conversation when suddenly their mate says 'Excuse me a minute' to them, and then walks over to me and asks me if I've got any spare change. My missus is mortified, her mate looks ashamed. I tell this cunt to fuck off, and the next thing I've got some hatchet faced harpie in my face (schoolfriends' missus) telling me what a bastard I am for not giving them any money. I told her to fuck off too. The missus points out that I'm her husband but instead of apologies all I get is sulky looks. Cunts!

I ended up staying in the bar. I tried to watch the band for a while but first of all I had the usual twat with girlfriend on shoulders in front of me. Who, when I objected turned round and said 'We're only dancing man'. So I moved on and got stuck behind some daft tart who'd braided her hair with beads and was swinging said braids around like a cat 'o ' nine tails.

Fuck. That!

As you can guess I'm not a fan of Crusties. I'm an even bigger hater of Pikeys. I don't mean your common or garden Gypsy, though god knows they can be bad enough, I mean pikey's. Grungy, scrungey filthy dole scroungers who travel up and down the country in old vans and coaches. Taking over neighbourhoods, having the odd rave, generally leaving a cesspool of refuse that the local authority has to pay to clean up. We've got a bit of scrap land down the bottom of the road that's like a magnet to these fuckers. Normally they turn up every other january and stay until the eviction notice kicks in. This lot have been different. They've managed to stay for 8 months. Screaming up and down my road in their barely (if at all legal) cars. Having the occasional rave, really just putting everyones nerves on edge. They've managed this by moving to a different patch of land every couple of months. It turns out that the land is owned by four different interests. One of them gets an eviction notice, they move on to the patch next door. And so on.

Today they finally got fucked over. And you know what? I don't care that they did. Their shitty red peugot 205 got carted off on the back of a breakdown truck looking much the worse for wear. Looked to me like someone went around it with a very large piece of wood. The entrance to the land is gated, blocked by concrete posts, and then sandbags full of concrete.

There's only one way of life, and fuck everybody who it affects cos it's your own it's your own it's your own!

We come in peace

Star Trek Minimates series one. Well, one and a half really. Star Trek was one of the first minimate licenses way back when but they were 3 inches tall which isn't all that mini really. Only six figures were produced and only a handful of design pics remain of what was to follow. Hopefully these standard size 'mates will prove successful enough to warrant further waves. Early indications are they've sold out already so things are looking up for sad geeky toy collectors. And funky good looking ones like me too. Stand out in this series is pointy eared pedant Spock.

Look, they gave him an extra hand so he can do peaceful vulcan hand signs as well as holding a Phaser that's set to kill! Faboo!

Battlestar Galactica minimates series two

Yes here they are in all their blocky plastic fantasticness. A particular favourite is Colonel Tigh, a lot of attention has been paid to Galactica's resident snarly alky.
Not only does he come with his hanky (used for mopping up awkward booze sweats) but also his very own stash of mini BOOZE.

Not even Cylons can defeat the great taste of booze.

Fabooze!

Sod off then, see if I care...

Yes yes, I know you're all doing more interesting things than reading my old shite and indulging in witty banter in the comment box. But just you wait. I have new toys.

Didn't care then. Don't care now!

The news media are really getting on my wick at the moment. Every day for what feels like the last fortnight they've been banging on about the tenth anniversary of some overblown tart pegging it in France. I can vividly remember that day ten years ago. I got up late (it was a Sunday) made a coffee, lit up a ciggy and turned on the telly waiting for the Waltons to come on. Instead of Ma, Pa, John-Boy, Mary-Beth and the rest of the inbreds I get some gormless fuckwit telling me about the accident in Paris. Fuck that, I wanted to watch the Waltons.

Indifference turned to dismay as channel after channel (all four of them) cancelled their schedules and embarked on a sickening display of mawkishness. I was so moved by watching the endless eulogies and public displays of patheticness that I went down the pub and stayed there! I wasn't alone.

baby spiders

Russian Dolleks?

Well it made me laff.

Grrr... Argh!

Adrenaline

I guess coming through a near miss accident is supposed to be life affirming? What about when it's two in quick succession?

Driving home from work ( I can't ride the bike at the moment. Long story) last Friday. I think to myself, I know, I'll take a wide circular route, that way I can pick up some plonk and not have to go out again. So I pick up said booze (Van Loveren Blanc de Noir if you must know) and I'm heading for home. The sun is shining, the iPod is on, the music is good, the window is open, the van on the other side of the road has taken that corner a bit too fast and is quite a way over on my side of the road. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod steer left, as far left as possible. Thank fuck for that. Wherethefuckdidthatmotorbikecomefrom?!!! Brake! BRAKE! BRAKE!!!

Some cunt on a motorbike, he'd obviously got caught out by the same corner as the van driver, may even have been playing silly buggers with him? Anyway, he's ended up on my side of the road, bearing in mind I'm already as far to the left as it's possible to get without leaving the road itself, and he's aiming right at me. I'd say he managed to regain control of his bike at about six feet in front of me. I was absolutely fucking terrified. I drove home about 30-40 mph, had some cunt in Renault trying to monster me to go faster for most of the way. Twat!

This just reinforces my point about country roads. Yes the speed limit is 60mph, but if the road is barely wide enough for two cars to pass would you be going that fast? Or are you one of those arrogant fuckers who thinks everyone else should be getting out of your way?

Tony Wilson 1957-2007

Sad day

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6941105.stm

I'll raise a glass to the mad bastard tonight. Cheers Tony.

Made me laff

An oldie, but a goodie!

What's a Shitzu?

It's a small dog whose arse is indistinguishable from it's head.

A shit zoo on the other hand... Saturday was glorious, the first really good weekend in gawd knows how long. The Breadknife decided we'd have a family day, which I was more than happy with. So we had a choice The Dinosaur Park or The Norfolk Wildlife Park which is just up the road. I, in my infinite wisdom decided that the little fella was too young to appreciate the Dinosaur park so we'd go to the Wildlife park instead.

Bugger.

We should have realised from the half empty car park that something was wrong. The alarm bells should really have started to ring when we saw one family read the notice by the entrance and then walk back to their car. However, we persevere... The notice says that the focus of the park has changed to an interactive play experience for kids and that there are no longer 'exotic' animals on display. They do however have British rare breeds and wildlife still on display. So, twelve quid lighter and in we go.

Me and the Bread have been to this place a few times. Admittedly quite a few years ago now, overtime and shift rotas over the years meant we didn't have that many weekends together, and those we did have were highly prized and generally used to recharge batteries. So it's been a while...

First impressions are, this place is fucked! There are handwritten notices all over the place. The 'interactive' kids area is a bunch of climbing frames of back garden standard, these are festooned in notices saying things like 'only two kids at a time' and 'no adults' and 'keep children supervised at all times' There's a bouncy castle. We didn't look at the bouncy castle cos Little fella's too small for them but I can only imagine it being covered in similar signage. A sandpit, to be fair the sandpit looked good fun. Some Trampolines, again of the standard you'd find in your average back garden. Finally the G0-Kart Track. It's a track, surrounded by hay-bales. The Go-Karts are a motley selection of pedal jobs and a couple of little kiddie flinstone-style ride on cars. It's pretty grim.

Onward then, to the animal enclosures. Oooh look! A great big bunny. Admittedly the bunny is quite impressive. It's a Californian Giant and it is very big ( I did wonder at first if it might be a Hare!) Next to the big bunny is an enclosure with some Chipmunks in. This is ok, I suppose. Chipmunks are cool and Albino Chipmunks are absolutely icebox. 'Oh look' says the Bread, 'A baby one just ran into the box. I missed it. 'There it goes' she says. I just catch a glimpse of it, it's not a chipmunk. It's a fucking mouse! I'm not impressed. Next some wee cute baby piggies. Only we're not allowed to touch them as they might bite. The little fella's very interested in them and the piggies appear desperate for a bit of attention but we do as the sign says and don't touch. Then there's some chickens. Yeah, they may be Rhode Island Reds but they're just fucking chickens! Some more chickens.. Some weird oriental pheasant you can't actually see. 'Oh Look' It's a peahen with her young. In an enclosure to protect the chicks I guess? Peacock chicks are funny looking buggers cos they have runty versions of the adult crest so they're quite amusing. What's not amusing are the rats, yes, Rats, that are running around the enclosure and blatantly nesting underneath the sleeping area. I'm a bit miffed about that. There's no excuse for it really. You see rats you get pest control, end of! That pretty much killed the place for me, one more lowlight was the carp pool, yes, the r is in the wrong place. Then on to the Cafe for two cans of diet coke and a flapjack bar, all for the not at all reasonable price of £2.70. TWO POUNDS SEVENTY!!! The Breadknife started to get a big quivery lipped about it all. Blaming herself for 'another shit day' I had to take it on the chin and point out that it was down to me that we'd gone to the animal park. From talking to people at work it turns out that the park submitted improvement plans to the local council and got turned down. It's a shame that it's declined so badly but really they ought to think very carefully about carrying the business on. After all, there's good eating on one of those big bunnies.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out

Fuck off then you ugly cunt!

I yam

being really crap at blogging aren't I? I think it's a combination of parenthood being a bit knackering and lot's of other things placing demands on my time. So let's see... What's been going on in Radville? Erm... Well lots of thanking my lucky stars I don't live in the West Country (even though I'd like to). Those poor fuckers in Gloucester I feel so sorry for them(a lot more sorry than I did for sheffield but you can blame that on those wingeing shitcunts Sheffield Utd). It's scary to think that all it takes is a day of rain to knock us back to the stone-age. Sad as fuck that as soon as it happens there are people trying to make a fast buck. I refer to the wankers filling their vans up with bottled water, driving to the outskirts of the flooded area and selling it for 2,3,4 times the normal price. Cuntish in the extreme I hope they get payback in kind.

In happier news I bought a Dalek. A radio controlled one. Toys R Us were selling em for £20 which is a much better price than the rrp of £40. And yes, while I did indeed buy it for me because I've coveted one ever since they first came out, it was also bought with the little fella in mind cos he love them Daleks! Right from when he was around six months old he'd stop what he was doing when the Daleks came on telly. I've got a talking Dalek that the Breadknife bought me a few years back and he's obsessed with it. I use it to calm him down when he's having one of those 'so tired I don't know what to do so I'll scream' paddy fits. Now, with the RC one he runs up to it, then runs to the other end of the room, stops, and waits patiently for it to catch up and exterminate him. :D Dead funny.

In even more better happier news Steve and Elaine got married yesterday (26/07/07) Congratulations guys :) and all the best for the future.

More Tosh

Yes indeedy. DC Minimates wave 4 has arrived to spread it's teeny tiny plasticky goodness. Look upon my Minimates and despair at your own lack of poxy plastic kiddycrap! Oh Yes!

Star Wars Thing

We went. We Saw. We did a bit of shopping.

As we drove towards the excel centre we could see a line of people that appeared to be around half a mile long or so. That's a lot of people. I get a text from Steve telling me he's in a queue about half a mile long or so. I look at the breadknife, she's already clocked the queue. Things look grim. Once we get inside Excel we get a very good idea of how big the queue is. There's about half a mile of people inside too. The bread is not looking happy at the prospect of queueing with the little fella. I'm already feeling stressed out. Steve (or rather Elaine) suggests we try and find them. Eventually after much texting and a couple of calls we establish where they are and wave like loons across a vast warehouse like space. A security guard politely informs me that there's no way I'm crossing this space to see them. I lie through me teeth and tell him they've got our tickets. He tells me to go and wait where they come out of the warehouse bit and I can meet up with them then. Sorted! It's weird, I've met Steve before, we've been on all sorts of web based things together, but it's the first time I've met Elaine despite us slating each other via the web for a good few years now. Surprisingly we take the piss out of each other. :D

Once we get inside it's a case of 'oh fuck!' There are people. Lots of people.They are everywhere! Steve and Elaine go to look around on their own. Me and the bread wander about a bit dazed. I look at the programme find out where the convention exclusives are being sold and decide to get this part of it out of the way. I want them damn toys! The Bread and L'il Fella make their way to the family area, I go shopping. Fifteen quid! Fuck me! That's expensive. I have to get two of them too as I've promised a mate in the States I'd pick one up for him. I wait in the sort of queue that you see in the post office or security at the airport. It's a never ending succession of turns along roped off areas. Not fun. It's fucking hot. There's a lot of people about, so it's fucking hotter. Eventually I get my stuff and head off to find the Breadknife. Silly me decided to go via one of the lanes of dealer stalls. Dumb dumb dumb. The show organisers have lumped all the dealers in one area. It's fucking mental. I can't actually get close enough to buy anything. I'm also feeling slightly claustrophobic too. I give up and head for the Bread. They've been having a lovely time sitting down and drawing and L'il Fella's had his pic taken with Darth Vader (who the Breadknife said was a really nice Dutch bloke, cheers fella) . Steve turns up and we're having a chat then he casually drops into the conversation that toys r us are there with their own exclusive figure. D'oh! So I go and queue up again. This time I pay a tenner for one figure. I'm so weak!



Get back to the peeps, Elaine's turned up, but her and Steve are off shopping now. So we bid them adieu and go for another walk around. It's still hectic as fuck I still can't get near the dealer stalls. I think the organisers fucked up badly with this. I'm sure the dealers will let them know about it too.

The highlight for me, apart from meeting up with Steve and Elaine, were the people who'd made the effort and dressed up in costume. Now in the cold light of day you'd wonder what possesses them to do it. But in context of shows like this, or the first night one of the films is released it really adds to the atmosphere. Costumes ranged from really badly amateurish to movie studio authentic. The guys from the 501st Garrison (Stormtroopers) in particular looked fantastic.

(sorry it's blurred, It's a phonepic)


There were a few Wookies dotted about too. I talked to one bloke who'd just taken his Wookie mask off to get some air. He was roasting inside the suit but absolutely loving it. In all despite the queues, the crushes and the heat it was a cracking day. Meet old mates, meet new mates. Bask in geekery. Buy some shit. The little fella loved it, it's a shame he wasn't a little older but he still had a great time. I just hope the powers that be organise the next European Celebration a tad more sensibly. Spacing the dealers out around the whole floor would be a good start. I'm sure they'd agree too.

This final pic I'm including not so much for the cheesecake element but because this bird really pissed me off. I'm just about to ask the blokes in the costume if I can have a pic with them. Along comes Princess Lookatmebaps and all of a sudden it's perve central. Don't get me wrong, I like ladies not wearing many clothes as much as the next man but dammit I wanted MY picture taken. Suddenly there's all these blokes snapping away at her and she fucking loved it! I'd just like to point out that this pic was taken by the Breadknife while she was waiting for me to get a pic done. I gave up in the end. Gah!

Finally

I get around to uploading some holiday snaps to Flickr. They're not all that interesting, mainly of the little fella in various locales, but they're there.

Hooray they've fixed the title bar!

How much?

(it's very annoying not being able to type in the title bar)

I'm going to this at the weekend http://www.celebrationeurope.com/
I've just had an e-mail telling me Mark Hamill will be there signing autographs. I already knew this from reading the US celebration pages over on the official star wars website. What I didn't know is that he'll be charging £85.00 a signature. That's EIGHTY FIVE FUCKING POUNDS!
I'm glad I'd decided not to bother with autographs. I mean, I'm a geek and I'm proud but £85.00 is a lot of wine vouchers.

Is it just me?

Or does everyone else on Blogger get weird 10,000 word comments? A sample of which is below...

"Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocalypse:::History says society evolved into where it is today. Others may look at it differently::::Because of the white man's favor the gods bestowed great wealth upon them:::::It is quite obviously a white man's god. The reality is that the gods SCRIPTED Earth's history and utilize reverse positioning::Money is a corruptor and is hurting you badly.The god's positioning is SUCK that their positioned Anti-Christ is the architect of the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. Because of this event they went on to control business on the west coast and elsewhere as the United States emerged as a superpower, capitalism as the dominant economic system.This is Manifest Destiny::::Our positioned Anti-Christ is the archetect of the 1906 Earthquake, reconstruction of SF, erection of California which subsequently gave him a platform to assult business nationwide and globally.The Anti-Christ is the so-called godfather.And this individual is nothing more than a series of brain-less clone hosts, frequency of replacement based on actual use::::1. Celebrities & politicians - heavy frequency2. Wealthy/telecommuting VPs/CEOs who nobody ever sees - light frequency"

I'm glad I turned on Comment Moderation.

Creatively Bankrupt

A couple of years back I was pretty fucked off to read that Jack White of the White Stripes had trousered a few grand to write a song for a coke commercial. Most people these days wouldn't give a flying one about that. But for me, any artist that suckles from the teat of a multinational corporation is an artist that has become creatively bankrupt. They're effectively saying that they are for sale if the price is right.

Now I'm no fan of Fergie, maybe if her humps, her humps, her lovely ladybumps were real I'd look at her twice but musically? ... Nah no thanks! But when I read this over at the NME's news site I find my ire raised. My dander is up. What the fuck is going on? How important can money be to you to sign an agreement like that? I can't imagine the soggy gussetted pop moppet is short of a few quid just yet. So why sign an agreement that means she has to write songs about a clothing line? It's repulsive.

Not however, as repulsive as weak-minded puppets driving cars full of gas canisters into buildings full of innocent people mind you. But there are other blogs that will have written much more intelligent and insightful posts about that. I'll just call them cunts and wish them all a long and unhappy jail sentence.

This meandering pointless post is sponsored by the words 'Tired' and the sentence 'I'm really bored and pissed off'.

!esrA

Huzzah!
I have the internet back. Fuck me, what a palaver!
I bought a modem from PC world. Wouldn't work. Rung my ISP who said stick with us for another year we'll give you a new modem. Six quid postage/admin fee though. Fair enough I thought. It'll be with you in two to three days sir, lovely, thinks I. Next day I called the ISP to make sure the Modem had been despatched. Yes sir we despatched it this afternoon.

This Afternoon?

Yes sir.

This AFTERNOON?

Yes sir.

Why?

Sir?

Why, has it only been despatched this afternoon? I called you at nine in the morning yesterday. Why wasn't it despatched yesterday?

Ah sir, you see, we had software problems which meant we could not process your payment.

How, is that my problem? You have all my details. I've been a customer for two years. I"ve never ever missed a payment.

Yes sir, but we can't send out hardware without processing your payment.

Again, how's that my problem?

...

I guess I won't be seeing my Modem tomorrow will I?

No sir, probably not.

Will I see it Monday?

Ah, it's two to three working days sir.

What?!! What sort of service have I just paid Six pounds for?

Second class post sir!

'Click'

Six pounds for second class post. They're having a bleeding giraffe! Fucking thing finally arrived today. Post dated Monday the 25th. So they hadn't even put it in the post on Friday.

I ain't impressed, but I am connected to the net again.
Fuck but it's weird, I feel like I've been through cold turkey. On the plus side I've played loads of Star Wars Lego. :) It's great once you unlock Vader as a playable character, I'm determined to see this fucker through to the end. So, how've you all been? Miss me? Yeah, right! You lying fuckers! :D

Arse!

We had a massive thunderstorm Tuesday night and it's killed my modem dead. I have no internet at home. I am very very very fucked off about it.

I am being really crap

at updating this blog aren't I? I've been back a week and have barely mentioned me holiday. It was a bit of an odd one really. We stayed with my in-laws who I get on fine with but being in someone elses house is always a bit tricky. It's a nice part of the world. Very very rural, even moreso than Nuffulk which surprised me. Plenty hot, and plenty of fucking flies which all have the same name. The name of cunt. Fuck but they were annoying! After about 3 days the little fella has learned how to say 'go away' with the accompanying shooing gesture. He does this everytime someone says 'go away' now. FrenchFranceland also has snakes. Specifically Vipers. Now I have rather foolishly picked up a viper in the past and got away with it. Having nearly trod on one in the back garden while wearing sandals (and carrying t'littlefella) I have a new respect for them. They're fast. Very fast indeed. Thank fuck it was racing away from me rather than at me. Really put the shits up!

The French did their best to dispel a lot of myths about them. Their food's not great, they're not that good looking, and their fashion sense is hilarious. In a lot of ways they're just like us, but much much friendlier. Surprising non?

Changing the subject slightly can I just say...

Sheffield Utd, you can fuck right off. You're stupid whiny pathetic cunts! Your fans are gullible cunts who've been sucked in by your constant rhetoric about how West Ham are cheats. That' all you do. Call us cheats. It's pathetic. It's juvenile, and it's tiresome. How about acquainting yourself with the facts from a source other than your own chairman or a redtop newspaper. Twats!

I apologise to the entire internet

for the recent acute lack of swearage. I have been on holiday in French Franceland which meant I had to get on a plane which I hate. Really really really HATE!

I tell you what kids. Flying with a kid sitting on your lap is really no fun at all. You become acutely aware of all the people sitting around you when your nipper is having a total paddy cos he can't go where he wants. We were stuck on the ground at Stansted for 40 minutes dues to a power cut. It was hell. Absolute hell! The plane was hot, the little fella was grumpy as hell and I think I ground my teeth into pegs. He was great once we were in the air. In fact he absolutely loved flying, and landing. Showed me up something rotten by clapping and laughing and whoooping with joy when we were landing. I on the other hand was absolutely shiteing it. I hate flying. I'll post some pictures later and possibly some stuff about France if I ever get any spare time ever again.
In the meantime here's a word from our sponsors

Cunting Fuckpigs!

Ithengyew!

A funny thing happened on the way to the supermarket

It really could only happen to me. Saturday morning I drive into my local Sainsburys to get some petrol. The car in front of me wants to turn left. I want to go straight on. So I go around the outside of the car in front by using an empty filter lane for oncoming traffic. The reason the filter lane's empty is because cars are queued all the way along beside it and there's a traffic island just where it begins. So I'm not getting in anyones way or impeding anyone's progress by overtaking the motor in front.
Unfortunately someone has decided that they don't want to have to get into the line of traffic and then have to wait for it to move past the traffic island so they can get into their filter lane. So they've driven down the wrong side of the road past the traffic island and come face to face with... Me!

So there I am I can't move forward because this fuckwad in an Audi (you're right Rol) has blocked the way. I can't move back as there's a car behind me still trying to turn left. So I stick my head out of the window (having wound it down) and tell the woman in the Audi to reverse.

'No, you reverse!'

I'm a little stunned, I point out that the road behind her is empty and I can't go anywhere.

No, you reverse!'

I point out that she's on the wrong side of the road after attempting a very cheeky manouvre, and that it really is down to her to back up.

'No, you reverse, your car is where I want to be'

So I laugh at the preposterous bollocks of the situation, she tries to turn right across the front of my car, there's nowhere for her to go. I tell her that if she intentionally hits my car I'll have her. I'm beginning to lose my rag now.
She carries on mouthing off at me through her windscreen and making shooing gestures, her son who's in the front seat has covered his eyes in embarrassment. I've had enough and get out of my car, go over to her window which she winds down and trying to keep my temper tell her to move backwards.

'If you were a gentleman you'd move backwards'

'I'm not a gentleman, and you're an appalling driver, move your car you're making yourself look a complete idiot'.

'No, you move!'

So I get back in my car, look at her through my windscreen and fold my arms.

She's still mouthing off at me so I plant a beautific smile on me mush, knowing that this will drive her nuts.

Eventually she puts her car in reverse, people in the queue of traffic on the other side are staring at her like she's some kind of loon, yet she can't help but continue slagging me off to the woman waiting to join the queue who has allowed her to reverse back. She's so intent on slagging me off that she's completely unaware of the bloke who's actually sitting in the queue that's allowing her space to pull in front of him.

So I have to stick my head out of my window again and tell her to concentrate on what's going on.

She pulls into the traffic, her window's still open so I wish her a lovely day and blow her a kiss.
She screws her face up and screams at me 'you're a horrible rude tosser and I hope you FUCKING DIE!'

I laughed... Right. In. Her. Face!

I'm amazed that I didn't swear at her. Not once.

In the afternoon me the Bread and the Little Fella drove out to the scary Fens to meet up with Jo and Ro at Jo's mum's place.
It was a bloody nice afternoon and the perfect antidote to an angsty morning. Cheers Jo. x :)

What are they hiding in the Chagos Islands

My government disgusts me.

Joy

Playing Star Wars Lego II (The original trilogy) on the Gamecube is even more faboo than playing Star Wars Lego. What a fucking ace game! Pisses all over the DS version.
I may be some time.

Defending John Sweeny

I caught a report on the breakfast news about this Now I saw the footage that was on youtube and all I can say is well done John Sweeny. The guy he gives the hairdryer treatment too had been doing exactly the same thing to Sweeny.

If you watch the documentary you'll see Sweeny ask the Scientoligist (a fake religion whose weaker minded disciples truly belive an alien called Xenu transported another race of aliens called thetans and killed them by dumping them into a volcano!)about how he feels when his 'religion' is described as a sinister cult? At which point the interviewee 'rewinds' the question and starts shouting, literally shouting into the reporters face. If it had been me I'd have been shouting right back at him. John Sweeny shows remarkable restraint in keeping a lid on things for an entire week, and if you watch the youtube clip you'll see that in between the hairdryer blasts Sweeny speaks very softly as if to say 'now how does that feel?'

It's obvious that the scientoligists set out to discredit Sweeny they probably posted the clip on youtube while Sweeny and the Scientology guy were apologising to each other. It's not a religion it's a way for some very shady people to make money out of the gullible. Only the foolish rich could possibly think enlightenment is a commodity. For further information on Scientology please watch the South Park episode called Trapped In The Closet, it's funny as fuck and will tell you all you need to know about Scientology!:D

Today-Yesterday-Tomorrow

Today I had to leave work at half ten. The Little Fella has Chicken-Pox

Yesterday I nearly cycled full pelt into a swarm of bees that was about 7 foot round.
That's a lot of bees.

Tomorrow I'm home all day with a poorly Little Fella.

Send me booze!

Look Out... Toynami!!!

Spider-Man 3 sneaky peaky minimates


Marvel Minimates wave 14 (X3)


DC Minimates wave 3

GEEKGASM!!!

The tooth, the whole tooth

Nah, didn't get yanked. Thought it would have been but the Dennis decided to rebuild it and thankfully it all seems okay now. I'm going to drum into the kid how important it is to look after one's gob'ole, British Dentistry is the only thing that makes Septics feel superior to us. :D

On the subject of the little fella, he's starting to come out with words. He's been saying 'hiya' for ages but now he says 'Bu-bye', and also 'I go' when we're leaving somewhere. Last night he rammed his walker truck into the Breadknifes legs, tried to push it a couple more times and then exclaimed 'Not Go!'

It's sickeningly cute and I'm inordinately proud of him, probably a lot more proud than I will be when he shouts 'fuck' for the first time. I just know I'm going to be the one getting the daggers, I try so very hard not to swear around him but it's not easy when you're driving.