Department of Infinite Possibilities

Is that you Blog?

2011-09-22T20:15:00.001+01:00

It's me Rad. Sorry I've not been about.

I must be an arsehole magnet

2011-04-04T20:08:00.003+01:00

How else can you explain the cunt in the post office van. Who waited patiently by the letter box as I cycled past him. Then pulled away, overtook me. And immediately turned left across me. I was so shocked I could barely utter 'you stupid fucking wanker' at the top of my voice before giving him a few gesticulations in his rear view. Cunt!

Bastard fucking School

2011-03-29T17:43:00.003+01:00

Kid's school lunch issue is done and dusted. Huzzah! Now for the next load of old bollocks.

They're moving to a new site this year. It should have been finished in time for the September term but of course we're talking private companies building public buildings. And they never seem to get finished on time. So my kid will be moving to his new school in October. The week after the Autumn half term. And they're closing the school for a week. So I've got to find another weeks worth of childminders fees. That's £180.00 I've got to shell out 2 months before Christmas. I'm feeling a tad aggrieved about this. The school has said it needs the teaching assistants and other ancillary workers to assist with the move. They can't do it during the half-term week because they don't get paid during the school holidays. So essentially the cost will be borne by the parents and my Son loses out on a weeks worth of education.

Now, if I took my son out of school for a week during cheap holiday season there would be absolute hell to pay. But it seems it's fine to do it when it suits the school. I dunno about you, but I can't see how paying a few teaching assistants and ancillary workers a few hours overtime to accomplish the move with minimum disruption would actually break the bank. It's hardly being profligate. Is it?

I'm so fucking weak!

2011-03-27T18:29:00.000+01:00

Lasted 5 days with no facebook. What a cunt! :D

Go and watch this..

2011-03-27T16:19:00.000+01:00

Some of my mates (and some of their mates) got together and started making their own web series. It's ace. Go and watch it. Comment. Let them know if you like it. Let them know if you don't like it (nicely).

To the wanker in the red polo

2011-03-24T17:34:00.002Z

Yes you, you fat baldy cunt. You. Cutting me up at the traffic lights, didn't like it when I came past you again did you? Didn't like being called an arsehole, did you? Gave it the large one didn't you? Calling me a wanker safely from inside your tin can.

Didn't like it when I made you stop, did you? Didn't like it when I offered you out, did you? You waste of human flesh. You coward. You ignorant cunt! Fuck you!

Bye bye Facebook

2011-03-23T18:50:00.002Z

It's something I've been on the brink of a few times recently. But tonight I deactivated my facebook account.
Why?
Well, because some of my so-called 'friends' are actually a bit cunty. I know it's ironic me saying that. Seeing as I happily refer to myself as a cunt. And quite often turn up in peoples comments taking the piss. But there's a time and a place for it, and I'd like to think that I can recognise when that time exists and when it doesn't. I'd be mortified if I thought I'd really upset someone with a few off the cuff comments that were intended to be harmless. Which is why I've always looked at the context of what I'm commenting on. Seems like some people just don't have that level of self-awareness. Or maybe I'm just an oversensitive cunt, or an enormous great tart? But there it is, 'gone'.

They don't make it easy for you either. South Park illustrated that brilliantly in the episode 'You have 0 friends' When Stan tries to deactivate his account it kept asking him if he was sure, before digitising him and sucking him into facebook Tron-Stylee. And up to the last part that's exactly what it was like. You have to go through about five levels of verification before the account is deactivated. I don't dare click on a facebook link now. Because it'll immediately reactivate the account. This'll go on for months before the account finally dies a death.

More crap about toys

2011-03-01T18:30:00.002Z

firstly I'm very pissed off that my Doctor Who collection has outgrown its display area.

I can feel a massive cull of Star Wars related stuff coming on. But I really don't want to go there. The missus seems reluctant to move to a bigger house though.

Slightly happier news I got more minimates. Yay minimates. Bit pissed off with the trenchcoat Thing as he's supposed to be able to wear his sunglasses but can't. The doombots are great but irrelevant and Professor X looks fabby but is fiddly as hell.
Six-armed Spidey is fabby though :)

Give em a uniform...

2011-02-18T19:10:00.002Z

and they'll turn out to be a cunt!

My poor little lad. He's had so much grief from us over this, and it turns out to be the school at fault, not him.

On the days he takes a packed lunch to school he takes it in a really cool thermos bag with the Bat Symbol plastered on it.
He kept bringing it home full of crap though. Empty juice cartons, fruit peel, bits of crust... All the detritus really. Trouble is, his lunch bag can't be washed up. It has to be wiped clean. So we told him he had to remember to empty it every day. But he kept bringing it home full of crap, and we had to keep telling him off. In the end we told him we'd take away his favourite toy if he did it again. He did it again.

So, we took away his favourite toy. Any parent reading this will know how horrible you feel when you do this. But if you don't follow up on a threatened consequence then you lose all credibility in the kid's eyes.

I hated doing it, so to help him remember to empty his lunch bag I drew a little picture of the toy onto a sticky label, and stuck it inside his bag. He was chuffed to bits with this, and it helped him too. Until last Thursday when he came out of school nearly in tears because once again he'd been told by a dinner lady he couldn't throw his rubbish away.

The Breadknife was straight into the school. Had a chat with the school secretary who said that particular dinner lady was a law unto herself. My missus pointed out that as far as the boy goes, she is the law! :D The secretary agreed and said she'd have words.

Everything was hunky dory again until today. A different dinner lady stuck her oar in this time. The boy went to empty his lunch bag only to be told not to. He told the dinner lady that his Mummy had said it was okay and the way he described her reaction was to stamp his feet and shout "NO!" Now obviously I only have his word for this, but I can certainly imagine it happening.

What it boils down to, is that a lot of parents who send their kids in with packed lunches, want to be sure their kids are eating everything that's been packed, so have requested that the kids bring their detritus home. We don't need that. The boy has got a fantastic appetite and a great attitude towards food. He's not perfect but we know he can be trusted to eat properly.

What annoys me too, is that the kids who have a school packed lunch, or a hot dinner aren't made to take their leavings home. It's all a big bag of big baggy bollocks really.

My poor kid is confused as hell by all this. I know I'm ranting because he's mine, but he's just five years old and he's got adults telling him two different things.

Luckily for the school it's a) Friday, and b) half term next week. So, instead of being faced with an irate Mother for the second time in a fortnight they'll be receiving a polite, considered, but strongly worded e-mail. Hopefully this'll put an end to all the shite.

Oh, and the little fella has his toy back now.

More minimateyness

2011-02-15T19:44:00.004Z

Rather sweet set depicting Captain America through the ages. From WWII through the popsicle phase (complete with block of ice) to the 80's/90's armoured Cap, and then the modern (not Bucky cap) version. Lovely set of minimates. Shame it was a Toys R us Exclusive.

Did I ever mention the Toys R Us exclusive Union Jack figure? Minimates aren't CE marked anymore so you can't buy them in Europe or the UK. But they made an exclusive figure of a British superhero... That you can't buy in Britain.

Pillocks!

Doesn't take long does it?

2011-02-15T19:30:00.003Z

Suddenly I'm a shit blogger all over again. I get so many ideas for stuff to write and then, by the time I can sit down 'poooooof' and it's gone.

Some things that piss me off.

Tories.

People that vote Tory.

Cunts (see above).

Anyone else notice how the day after looking a complete cunt on national television that oily git Cameron announces he's getting a nice cute kitty-kat for number 10. Aaaaaaaah ain't that lovely?

Cunt!

Did I mention toys?

2011-02-02T19:45:00.001Z

Have some toys!

Banging on about Cycling again!

2011-02-01T20:36:00.002Z

A mate sent me this link today to a BBC News Story about how cyclists are increasingly wearing camera's mounted to their helmets. After pointing out the chafing this was likely to cause inside my shorts I thought I'd give it a look. And it turns out to be a story very similar to experiences I have had nearly every day that I ride a bike either to or from work.

I should point out now, that I've been riding again for the last two years, I've always tried to obey the laws of the road, but it ain't easy. And it ain't easy for two reasons. Firstly other road users, principally in cars, and secondly The old bill. The latter don't care about us. The majority of the former couldn't give two shits! I have been cut up so many times it's practically a daily occurence. The amount of times a car has overtaken me and then had to screech to a halt because of the stationery traffic in front of it, is just unbelievable. And every time a car does that, I end up having to emergency brake so as not to slam into the back of it.
I have been undertaken on roundabouts, when I tried to report that to the Old Bill they could not have cared less. Did everything possible to put me off, including letting me know that the CPS probably wouldn't prosecute due to insufficient evidence and that if it did get to court the Driver I'd reported would likely find out where I lived. Make of that what you will.

I have had vehicles swerve across lanes at me, I had a van come so close to me on a roundabout once that I could bang on the fucking side of it! I had a DHL van overtake me, realise that it couldn't get in front due to stationery traffic, so just move left on me. I shouted out 'Where the fuck am I supposed to go?' and got back in front of the fucker. Only for the driver to intentionally bump my back wheel. I shit you not! Unfortunately for that driver his next drop was 100 yds up the road so I stopped and had a few words. Damage was done though, next day I had two broken spokes.

As I said earlier, I always try to follow the rules of the road, but sometimes the road is just too fucking scary, so I admit that I will on occasion ride on the path but I'm always on the lookout for pedestrians and will defer the right of way to them.
Another good reason for riding on the path is this article posted on the BBC news website last week. Until then it'd never occurred to me that six years after packing up fags I'd be doing my lungs just as much damage from breathing in diesel exhaust particulates. So yeah, I'll ride on the road and obey the rules, but if it gets too much then it's the footpath for me, Cycle paths when I can. Which brings me to another thing. Cycle paths and pedestrians. Our cycle path system in the UK is shit. it's laughable. But where there is one, I have a right to ride on it. Now, I'm always deferential to pedestrians... Pedestrians though don't tend to reciprocate. Twice in recent days I've had someone tell me I should be on the road. The first time I was on a cyclepath and manoeuvring around a bunch of fucktards who'd congregated behind a bus stop. Blocking the entire path for everyone.
The second time was tonight. Coming down a hill, on a cyclepath, there's two teenage kids in the middle of the path stood having a chat. One can see me, the other can't. So I slowed down, went out wide, and then saw the other bunch of kids at the top of a stairway. Sure enough one comes flying down at speed, I'd anticipated it, but still I barely miss her. She freaks, I tell her she should look where she's going. I tell her it's a cycle path. Cue abuse. Torrents of it. Water off a duck's arse cos I'm long gone, but all the same, there are signs everywhere saying it's a cyclepath. I bet that same kid rides her bike on the path all the time, but when it suits the pedestrian it's a footpath.

I know there are idiot cyclists out there, I see them everyday, I've even come a cropper because of their selfish actions. It amazes me how many cyclists I see wearing black clothes on a bike with no lights. They're asking for grief. Me? I'm dayglo fucking Derek! Lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree, and still I get carved up by callous uncaring cunts in their cars.

And really, that's what they are... Cunts! If you think it's okay to pass a cyclist at speed giving them six inches of space, then you're a callous uncaring selfish cunt. I don't care what your Mum thinks of you, I don't care what your partner, or your kids think of you, if your impatience maims or kills another human being then you are a callous insensitive cunt and I wish nothing but bad things upon you.

Much like the bad things I wish upon the idiots commenting on that first BBC story. Yes, there are cyclists that run red lights, yes there are cyclists that ride like absolute wankers on the footpaths. But the vast majority of us are ordinary people trying to get to work, or get home, just like you. We don't deserve the grief we get from motorists. One idiot said the bloke who recorded that video was just looking for a fight. There's no empathy whatsoever there. A man, has nearly been taken off of the road by a thug in a van. His adrenalin's gone through the roof and he's let the driver know he's there. Did he really deserve for that driver to suddenly stop and then confront him? No, but really?

One last thing. It appears that a few police forces are prepared to use video evidence to prosecute careless drivers (in the video on that 1st beeb story they should have prosecuted that cunt in the van for assault as well) in our brave new Big Society with it's vastly underfunded police forces. How likely do you think it'll be that they'll be using video evidence more and more to keep their solved crime figures up.

I'll be getting a helmet cam. I don't care about the chafing.

Not the best of starts to a new year.

2011-01-22T20:39:00.002Z

So then, where to start? It's been a difficult couple of weeks to say the least. My Grandad died on the 10th a death which was not unexpected but still came as a shock. Then on Wednesday the 19th my Nan (other side of the family) died. That's a lot to take in. I was struggling with it quite badly on Wednesday, but having travelled to Essex on Sunday to see my Nan, essentially to say goodbye I kind of reconciled myself to it all. It ain't nice. It's never nice. But I'm glad that I at least got to say goodbye to her.

On top of that back in December my poor old Dad broke his leg again! Thankfully not the same leg as when he had his bike crash, but he's broken it in exactly the same way necessitating the installation of a Lizeroff frame (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilizarov_apparatus) poor bugger's only ended up back in hospital due to an infection, Luckily it turned out to only be on the surface and hadn't penetrated to the bone. But... Fucking hell!

Apart from all that, my electric bikes have gone up the shitter! First, one broke down on me Tuesday morning when I was halfway to work. So I had to power it shanks only the rest of the way, and then all the way home. Surprisingly I got home 5 minutes quicker!

I got my other electric bike out of the shed to use for Wednesday's commute only to find that the power, once turned on, kicked in immediately leaving me pretty much a passenger! That was, to say the least, a tad disconcerting. So I ended up riding an electric bike, without power, to and from work for the rest of the week. That's a round trip of about 18.5 miles a day. Well fuck that then!
Today, I went and bought a new bike. It's just a bike, there's no electrics, no bollocks (apart from my aching ones) and not a lot to go wrong.

Got the fucker up to 21mph on the way home too. The electric bikes very rarely got past 20mph unless I was going downhill. So it turns out I don't really need them. Out of adversity and all that.

Erm, that's it. Can't think of nowt else I can say right now. But I don't want to let this blog lapse again.
Tomorrow I might show you some new toys. Everybody loves toys, don't they?

iHate Motorists

2011-01-12T12:53:00.000Z

and they hate me.

Every day I have a near miss on my bike. When the average motorist sees a bicycle in front of them the red mist descends and they simply must get past it. Thing is, I can go a bit faster than the average cyclist. My speed averages out to about 17mph so a lot of drivers are taken by surprise when they realise that they need to go a little bit faster to get around me. And of course, once you go faster, everything happens faster. Only, because the driver hasn’t necessarily taken in what’s going on further down the road they then find themselves having to make panic reactions in order to avoid a crash. These reactions generally involve swerving back towards me. Motorists in general, are unthinking arseholes with little to no regard to the safety of anyone else on the road.

As for van drivers… Cunts!

My stupid fucking bike

2011-01-08T12:37:00.002Z

is a bit of a cunt!

Since the summer I reckon I've had to spend about £350 on keeping it on the road. The latest debacle. (after my spectacular icy flight of death) is having to have the entire chainset replaced. Chain, rear cogs, and chain wheel all shiny and brand new and looking lovely. Of course I'm £50.00 lighter too! :!

Still riding home I find that without power I got the bastard up to 25mph. I'm chuffed about that!

I think I might start blogging again.

2011-01-06T19:19:00.002Z

And for my first post in what? Two Years will be a question.

People that voted Tory. What the fuck were you thinking?

WTF?!!!

2009-08-10T19:19:00.002+01:00

Seriously though... What THE FUCK?!!!

I've always found those adverts for toy baby dolls that look and feel like a real infant to be somewhat disturbing.
Now this!

What really grates is how the advert goes on about it being the most realistic baby monkey EVER!
It's not a monkey, it's a fucking ape! It's not a baby, it's a fucking doll.
How mentally ill do you have to be. What level of loneliness do you have to be at, to even consider buying this?
It's dreadful. Fucking dreadful!

TATT

2009-08-05T15:24:00.002+01:00

Tired All The TIME. That's me.
It's partly why I rarely blog anymore. Well that and the lunatic immediacy of Facebook. It's easier to swear on peoples statuses than it is to sit here daily and trot out the usual tirade of swearing and self-loathing. I dunno, I reckon it's time to close the blog. Anyone still bother checking in?

Irony... Much?

2009-05-27T08:01:00.002+01:00

So there I am, riding home from work. Approaching a fairly narrow 'pinch point' where there's a traffic island in the middle of the road. I glance behind, see a car coming up on me and realise there's plenty of time for it to get around me before we get to the pinch point. The car passes me, I look behind again, there's another car approaching but to my mind not enough time for it to get around me. So I do what I always do in this situation, I move out toward the centre of the road. Most drivers will realise that what they were about to attempt is a bit fucking stupid and hold back for that brief moment in time that allows me to safely exit the pinch point and allows them to safely overtake me. Except, this fucker is still coming, so I move out a bit more, but they're still coming. They're now attempting to overtake me by driving up the turning point to the medical practice on the other side of the road. Their car is square on to the traffic island. I'm convinced the car is finally going to hold back, but no, it accelerates, hard! It just manages to slip between me and the traffic island, there's about a foot between me and a car. Now, a foot may seem like a fairly healthy distance between two objects, but when one object is travelling at 15mph and the other at 30mph + it's not much of a gap at all. Naturally I do my fucking nut at this stupid selfish ignorant cunt. Then I see the sticker in the back window. It says 'THINK BIKE!'

Hello, been a while hasn't it?

Fear became the ultimate tool of this government.

2009-04-02T09:33:00.002+01:00

I was prodded

2009-04-01T09:14:00.003+01:00

Someone asked me when I was going to update and I realised that I'd not blogged since posting my 'hilarious' Valentines card. Thing is, I have so little time these days that I rarely get to sit at the computer and write when I have something to write about. I suppose I could have written about the 12 year old cunt who road raged me in his little hatchback. That would have made for a good post, but any ire I may have felt about that incident has pretty much evaporated now. Shall I be topical? The Government... Cunts, aren't they?

Did you hear about Jonathon Ross? He's obviously suffering from a bit of depression or something after the Daily Mail instigated witchhunt (and lets face it, if Piers Morgan is constantly slating you, you must be doing something right) But apparently Ross was cautioned by the old bill for pinching kitchen equipment. When questioned he said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

I'm onto the third control box on my electric bike. Not too happy about that as it's only 5 months old, but hopefully it's sorted now. Rather amusingly after the second one was fitted I noticed that one side of it was bulging out and there was a gap between it and the box. I took it in to the dealership and the bloke fixed it by hitting it with a hammer... I shit you not.

Watching The Wire on DVD, bought the first Box set for the Breadknife at Christmas and now we're hooked. We've just started series 4 this week. If you've not seen it give it a look. Like Battlestar Galactica it's just really intelligent TV that never patronises its audience. They're showing it on BBC2 right now. Give it a look, thank me later.

Er... That's it.

for the ladeeeeeeez

2009-02-13T11:02:00.002Z

Death to fanatics!!!

2009-01-28T09:48:00.002Z

I just read this http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7853325.stm and had to laugh at how religious people can get so twisted by their faith that they wish death and damnation on all who disagree with them. I also find that as I've become older I've become less tolerant of religion in all of its forms.

I used to be of the opinion that if someone chose to worship a particular diety then they should be free to do so. I even used to say that I respect their choice, respect that they have a faith.

I can't honestly say that I feel that way any more.
I see religion as a way of suppressing populaces. To me it's nothing but supernatural mumbo jumbo. A way to explain things that humanity didn't have the knowledge of, or science to analyse, that which we could not immediately explain or understand. I'm also sure that thousands of years ago it was very useful in making people behave in a civilised manner. Be good,or God will get you. High Priest/Priestess as Chief Constable perhaps? In it's worst aspect religion is twisted and used as a means for the powerful within that religion to whip up hatred against those that do not follow the religion. A banner beneath which the faithful and the uneducated can rally and use to justify all sorts of atrocities.

To be blunt religion really fucking offends me. The death and destruction in the name of whatever god just cannot be forgiven. The exploitation, the suppression, the barbarism practiced in the name of whatever deity. It just cannot be forgiven.

Why should I respect people's religion? Do the religious respect my atheism? Of course they don't. How can they, if they truly believe in their particular god?

The sooner we shake off these stupid hangovers from a less enlightened age the happier we'll be as a race. Gah!

Prince of the road

2009-01-16T09:59:00.002Z

Cycling home Wednesday night through thick fog wasn't much fun. I did get a brief respite when I got shouted at as I sailed past what appeared to be a broken down car with its hazards flashing. It barely registered that it was me being shouted at, so I looked over my shoulder to see a very forlorn looking young lady watching me fade into the distance.

Being a lovely bloke (not wanting to blow my own trumpet, like) I turned back to see if she was ok. Turns out her mate's care had a flat battery, she'd bought some jump leads along but being a girl didn't know how to use them (her words, not mine!) So after a bit of messing about involving getting her mate to roll the broken down car backwards so that we could a) Get the car providing the jumpstart in front of the car requiring the jump, thus enabling the leads to actually reach the respective batteries. And b) Get the car providing the jumpstart out of the fucking road so that other cars could actually get past. Tch! Fucking wimmin eh? *raises eyebrows* :D Job done, cars started, friendly advice imparted on not just driving round the corner and parking up, but taking it for a spin around the city to get some juice back in the battery, and then I'm on my way.

By now the fog had also lifted so I was feeling pretty good about things. Then I get to the 'country' part of my journey. Fuck me! I cannot see a fucking thing. I've got two really good front lights on the bike. One points at the road, the other I use in low visibility so that I can see the side of the road. The one that points straight ahead is useless. All I can see is a cone of light stretching out in front of me, all it's illuminating is fog. Cycling through it is the most bizarre experience, it's like having your senses turned down to 3. Everything's muted, there's no input. It's like moving through a ghost world but there's real terror whenever I'm aware that a car is approaching, either from the front or rear. A really really unpleasant experience. I dunno why I'm even bothering to write all this. It's not very interesting really is it? Ah well, it's written now, and you've got to the end of it and thought to yourself, 'for fuck's sake, is that it?'

Yes, yes that's it!

Choo! :D

Art as political statement

2009-01-14T08:54:00.001Z

I do enjoy a bit of arty cheekiness. Especially when it upsets stuffed shirt fartknockers. :)

Utter Fucking

2009-01-06T09:49:00.002Z

CUNTS!

. The cunt that tries to overtake me when there's a traffic island in the road. The road is only so wide, there is a big lump of concrete in it. I do not magically disappear when you try to overtake me you stupid thick ignorant cunt!

. The cunt who overtakes me so closely that I can feel the paintwork on their car. You are a cunt! You cunting irresponsible cuntox! I hope your feet fall off. Preferably just as you take the first step on a really big escalator.

. The cunt who overtook me on a blind bend. A blind bend. That's three of us you could have killed. You, Me, and the person driving the car that's coming the other way. You don't know they're there until they're there. You stupid stupid pigshit ignorant fucking cunt!

. Then there's the cunt from this morning that, while on a very narrow street with cars parked either side thought it was perfectly acceptable to drive straight at me instead of pulling over to the left where there was a space for you to pull into. Yes, you did look surprised as I shouted 'Fuck off you stupid Twat' didn't you? Even more surprised when I shouted 'For Fuck's sake, there's a space you could have pulled into'. And as for your boyfriend, well he just wouldn't even dare make eye contact with me. You pair of pathetic cunts.

I love cycling. I hate car drivers. They mainly appear to be cunts!

E-biking

2008-12-18T11:51:00.002Z

I have to tell you kids, it is sooooooo much fun. On the days I commute on the x6 I end up at my destination with a fucking great smile on me face. It's all about the fresh air I guess. And possibly the excercise too. The way I have the bike set up means I still have to pedal, and sometimes I'm pedalling hard but the bike takes the edge off, so I can do twice the distance I used to do on my old bike, but arrive feeling like I've excercised but not like I'm at death's door. It's also an amazing feeling cycling up a hill at the same speed you were managing on the flat, and cycling into a headwind (you try it!) is a piece of piss now. Seems like a win/win situation at the moment. The only downside is that the throttle is a quarter sized jobby that's operated with the thumb and forefinger. Fuck but it makes my hand ache after a while. Not nice.

Nuts on the radio

2008-12-03T10:20:00.002Z

I can't believe I just read this

Torchwood star John Barrowman has apologised for exposing his genitals during a live BBC Radio 1 broadcast.

He got his dick out in a radio studio. The presenters didn't object. Indeed, it was due to the presenters raising the subject that he did it. One listener complained.

One!

Obviously in the wake of that Brand/Ross/Sachs/Baillie over reaction the beeb has chosen to completely over react again.

One complaint!

Anyone who buys the Daily mail is a cunt.

The Byke!

2008-11-30T17:13:00.004Z

It's here, I am now the owner of an electric bike, and let me tell you, it's fabby!
It's also very whizzy! I kept thinking something was wrong with it cos the motor was cutting out. Then I realised it cuts out at 15mph and the power comes back in if your speed drops below that. It really is very cool indeed. Hills, no problem. Headwinds, no problem. I've still got to pedal otherwise the motor doesn't come on at all. I've got it set like that so I don't become a lazy cunt. I've only done a couple of miles on it so far due to not having the time to really let rip, but it's looking promising. Here it be, nowt special to look at, but that's the point :)

And here it is next to my old workhorse. Not a lot in it really is there?

A week ago

2008-11-27T18:27:00.003Z

I had to have a tooth extracted. Upper rear molar. It was surprisingly painful. The tooth had been fucked for years. I'd had a root extraction and filling on it about 7 years ago, and it was never right after that. The filling would work loose, the tooth would get cracked. I was sick of having it repaired long before the dentist was. Three months ago I had to have it filled, again, a month after that the back fell away. I struggled with it, because I really didn't want to go back to the Dentist. Then, a week ago I discovered that the bit of food I had trapped behind it wasn't a bit of food. It was an abscess. It went pop! So, I called the dentists, they got me in on an emergency appointment and I went through an experience I would rather forget. The Dentist decided 'we' had been trying to save it long enough. I'd have been happy to have seen it gone long ago. So, having decided to have the bastard out he promptly set about drilling away the root filling, and then cutting the tooth out at the base. Then came the industrial strength pliers, as he set to on each root individually. It was at this point that I started making 'argh' type noises. I could feel the bastard root wriggling about in my face, and it fucking hurt. Not a twinge, not an ache. IT. FUCKING. WELL. HURT. Eventually, after I'd been reduced to a mewling kitten (about three or four 'arghs') the Dentist stopped and asked if it was hurting!!!

Another jab later and we were well away. At the end of it all he asked if I could bear to look at the extracted roots because they were very impressive. He implied they could be worn on a necklace. The irony, shit teeth, great roots! For fucks sake!

So here I am, a week later, a very tender gaping hole in the back of me gob, and trying desperately to keep food away from it. It aches like a bastard on fathers day at times, though I'm told that's normal.

Look after your teeth kids. Cos extractions are cunts.

On the bright side I'm finally getting my electric bike tomorrow. :)

Agh!

2008-11-26T10:17:00.001Z

It's been bloody ages innit? Loads going on. Loads of poxy plastic kiddy crap. Bugger all time to write about it. I promise you (all one of you, and that's probably me!) I'll blog properly soon.

No god, only religion

2008-10-22T09:21:00.004+01:00

I'm loving this :D No doubt it'll end up getting its windows bricked by fundamentalists.

Just a quick edit to point out this article at my new favouritest website in the whole world ever. The Daily Mash

While you're there have a look for the story about Billy Bragg.

STOP!

2008-10-09T15:20:00.001+01:00

Thinking of adding fuel to your car?
Please, wait until at least 5 o clock this afternoon.
I've got to fill up on my way home from work so the price of a litre is bound to drop by at least a penny about a nanosecond after I put the hose back in its holder.

Every. Fucking. Time!

I'm going electric

2008-10-05T17:16:00.003+01:00

I'm buying an electric bike. Yes yes, apparently they're for old ladies who smell of wee to do the shopping on, but no, they aren't. They were, some still are. But the manufacturers have realised there's a market out there full of people who are pissed off with paying a fortune for fuel and the other costs associated with cars, and they've started to aim product at them. I had a go on a couple of e-bikes yesterday and they are just unbelievable amounts of fun. On my hybrid I was lucky to get 18-20 mph going downhill and pedalling like fuck. Yesterday I cycled at 18mph uphill and into a headwind. You still have to pedal, you just don't have to end up with your heart hammering ten to the dozen and your lungs straining to inflate. As the guy whose bikes I was using put it 'It's like having an invisible hand pushing you along'.

The way I see it I'll benefit from... Less fuel to pay for. Possibly getting rid of one car completely. Getting fit (again) after all, I still have to pedal, I just don't have to pedal as hard. Which means I can cycle further, especially hand seeing as my round journey commute has gone from 9-10 miles to around 15-16 miles. Doesn't sound a lot, but you try and cycle the extra, especially in the winter, into headwinds, going uphill and all the other bollocks you have to put up with on a pushy.

You may level accusations at me

Cheat being one, Hippy being another. I will merely invite you to kiss my cheating hairy hippy arse whilst cycling off into the sunset. :)

Seriously, I mentioned this to a friend of mine whose only form of transport is a pushbike and his immediate reply was 'That's cheating!' Is it fuck cheating. It's just another form of transport, and one that's certainly cleaner and greener than a car or a motorbike.

A funny thing happened on the train.

2008-10-01T12:45:00.002+01:00

So, been a while again innit? I just never seem to find the time to blog and no fucker's reading it anyway. But I must share this little nugget cos It made me larf and larf. My missus took me to the Dr Who exhibition at Earls Court as an early birthday present. We had a great day in that London, the Who exhibition is well worth a look if you're so inclined, lots of interactive bits including being able to stand insided a mock up of a Dalek and talk into a microphone that distorts your voice. I have video footage of a Dalek squawking 'Wash my pants woman'. Well I found it funny anyway. Lunch in Convent Garden followed by a bit of shopping and then home, in first class no less. So, there we are on the train, in first class being all sumptuous and nice, when I decide to use the loo. A nice looking pod affair with automatic doors. Except dumbass that I am I can't find the button to open the effing door. That's ok, I'll use prole class. So I go down to the next carriage and wait for the engaged bog to become free. and wait for the engaged bog to become free. and wait for the engaged bog to become free. and wait for the engaged bog to become free. Seriously I waited a long time. Then, a woman comes out of the carriage and waits in the exit area as we're coming up to a stop. and wait for the engaged bog to become free. and wait for the engaged bog to become free. and wait for the engaged bog to become free. Eventually the door opens, then immediately slams shut. I look a the woman, she looks at me. We're both a tad perplexed. The door opens and slams shut again. This happens five or six times. Then, the door opens and a lad of about 18 comes out. Staring at the floor he avoids eye contact and scurries around the corner into the carriage. I go to step into the bog and the door slams into my face. KER-CHING! The woman waiting to get off at the next station has eyes like saucers. I'm killing myself laughing. 'Must be the Mile-Long club' I comment. This then has her cracking up laughing. Tears are streaming down my face, the door to the bog opens and slams shut a few more times and then a very very embarrassed young lady exits the cubicle, in much the same manner as her recent companion. I being a gentleman discretely looked straight at her with a fucking great grin on me face. She was rather red. :D

A very silly thing indeed

2008-09-17T15:55:00.002+01:00

This is not in my opinion. A very good idea. The original novels had a definite finish. I wasn't a big fan of the finish but it was up to Douglas Adams and not me. I just bought the books. This smacks to me of a cash-in and I won't be buying it.

Congratulations

2008-09-16T09:04:00.002+01:00

To the Millers over at yurt16 on the arrival of a very bonny bouncing boy who was born on Saturday the 13th. You've no idea what you've let yourselves in for. :D

I could see it's hairy legs!!!

2008-09-04T22:25:00.004+01:00

The glass is about 3 inches across. I, being a manly sort of man disposed of the beastie at my leisure. The Breadknife was not impressed. : )

More Nellies

2008-08-20T13:47:00.002+01:00

As I'm bereft of inspiration here are some more heffalumps.

On a happier note (Big Game hunting in Norwich)

2008-08-02T13:14:00.005+01:00

Last Sunday we took the little fella into Town (Norwichites hate that, 'It's a City!' they cry) for lunch. On the way we stopped and admired the herd of elephants that have trampled into town. These are just a few that we saw. At some point I'm going to make a point of visiting the Bus station so that I can get a picture of the heffalump with a Tardis on its' back. :)

You can see all the heffalumps here

More about 'Go Elephants' here

It's happened again!

2008-07-24T21:31:00.002+01:00

Another one of my cats has been killed!
We'd had Gus four months and some bastard just ploughed through him right outside my house.
In a 30 mile an hour zone. Kids play in my street. What sort of a cunt drives so fast they can kill a cat instantly and not even bother to stop. There weren't even skid marks. I live in the middle of nowhere, my road goes nowhere, there's a school on the corner. Cuntcuntcuntcuntcunt!

Floored!

2008-07-23T13:56:00.002+01:00

I wrote this back in 2006 about a weird dream I'd had.
Out of the blue I get a message on Facebook today from my old best mate. We've not seen each other for 19 years now, but it turns out both of us have been wondering how the other is getting on. More to the point, he's been trying to contact me but has been searching using my real first name, and I've been trying to find him using his old name, but he's adopted his stepfather's surname. It's all very odd but I'm relieved that a) We've finally made contact, and b) We're getting on well.

Lost in Translation

2008-07-18T08:21:00.002+01:00

Scanning the news as you do, and I came across this snippet. Now I don't know all the facts regarding the conflict between the Phillipino government, and what appears to be an armed opposition. But my initial surprise at seeing that government appease a proto military organisation and giving them more land to self-govern, turned to laughter when I saw the acronym of said group.

New Adventures in Plastic Kiddy Crap pt2

2008-07-17T21:37:00.001+01:00

Photo0115.jpg
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

Now for a toy geek this is sweet as a nut. This figure is from the now defunct Marvel Legends Showdown line. It's very rare indeed, being a chase figure in a series that just wasn't produced in huge quantities. In the States it goes upwards of thirty dollars. I paid a fiver plus a couple of quid postage. For once e-bay came up trumps.

New Adventures in plastic kiddy crap

2008-07-17T21:32:00.001+01:00

dc8.jpg
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

Yaaayyy! DC wave 8 arrived.
Boooooo! DC Wave 8 is the final wave.
It's a shame the series is ending so soon. There was some amazing design going on in some of the characters, but it appears that the company who produced them just didn't understand what they had.

Fuckwits!

Gaggle

2008-07-15T14:10:00.002+01:00

Anyone else get goosed on the way to work this morning?

Ooops!

2008-07-04T11:33:00.003+01:00

Blimey. A month. A lot of the reason for not posting is not having time. The other reason for not posting is not really having much to say. Things are hectic. The new cat seems to like pissing indoors which I'm not at all happy about. On the other hand the little fellas seems to like pissing in a potty and has taken to it like the proverbial duck. Only downside is that he's waking up at 6:30 am cos he wants a pee. Fine during the week, not so good at the weekends! :(

Dr Who's been a bit fucking good innit. I want a toy Dalek Caan! :D

crapness

2008-06-05T18:35:00.003+01:00

Haven't posted for ages due to having no time. That's not because I have a rich and varied social life,
I just haven't had any time. Most of last week I was up to my eyeballs in moving office to a shithole on the other side of town. Where I once had a 20 minute bike ride I now delight in a 30 - 40 minute car journey along some of Narj's most delightful aspects of carriage way. My journey is 12 miles.

Another example of shitness is the way my work organised our move. To sum up they didn't.
We moved into a building site. We had no phones or computers for the best part of a week. To call it a shambles would give shambles a bad name. It was a monumental fuck up and I ain't at all happy. Even worse... I can't blog from work it seems. Every time I log in I get a curse of fatal death dialog box pop up and Internet Exploder implodes. It really is a bit rubbish. On a happier note I should be getting a very sexy phone tomorrow. Probably end up dropping it!

Gone fishing

2008-05-21T11:11:00.002+01:00

Now I'm more than aware that the beeb have run this story to get the usual gang of idiots foaming at the mouth but honestly, what sort of moron trots this kind of crap out? The man's an elected councillor and he's got nothing better to do than bait the media/local right wing contingent with bollocks like this?

Nuffin's yer own is it?

2008-05-16T12:54:00.002+01:00

Have a look at this.

Some cunt's lifting peoples gig photo's off of Flickr, printing them on photo stock paper and selling them on ebay as his own. And he's got the front to claim them as his own copyright. If you come across this willypenc anywhere make sure you tell him he's a thieving bastard.

Oh, and Flickr and ebay don't want to know. So if you've a Flickr account be aware.

Gus

2008-05-14T18:47:00.004+01:00

There was a sense of inevitability when the Breadknife casually mentioned she'd seen on her work intranet that someone was trying to offload a couple of cats. One of them's a British Blue she said (knowing full well that I like that breed) He's four years old. Do you think it'd be nice to have another boycat around the place? Well yeah, actually it would. We've not had a boycat since Hobbes died and that was summer 2005. It was time we did something about that. So the Bread went to see him and came back full of how lovely he was.

So we adopted him. He's great, very affectionate, but by god he's fat. Blue's are a big breed anyway but this chap's arse is about a foot wide! He's also a bit of a puff. He's still not faced Isis down and she's barely half the size of him.

Here he be.

Remind me.

2008-05-14T15:30:00.001+01:00

I need to blog about Gus.

Bizzy day

2008-05-05T20:55:00.003+01:00

Very busy indeed.

Off to the village fete to do village fete type things, such as wait in line for an hour for a burger, and wrestle a very pissed off little fella out of a cop car. Then home to do some gardening. Mow the lawn. Bit of spot hoeing. Trim the borders. Bit of strimming. In all this time I was in and out of my shed swapping tools as you do. I'm not sure why I glanced up but when I did glance up I thought to myself 'Why is there half a birds egg hanging off of my shed ceiling?'. This thought was immediately followed by 'Fucking hell, that's a big wasp'.

2

+

2

Oh my fucking good gawd, there's a wasp building a nest six inches above my head.

It was a big wasp. I'm fucking terrified of wasps. I beat a hasty retreat and waited for the breadknife to offer to kill it for me. :D
I really am that scared of em. I do sometimes wonder how I stuck 12 years of working as a gardener.

This be it. My cameraphone doesn't really do it justice. It's so fragile, barely the thickness of a piece of A4 paper.

It never rains

2008-05-02T10:40:00.003+01:00

but it pours. And no I'm not talking about jugs. And no, that wasn't a euphemism.

We had an absolute fucking deluge (including thunderstorm) yesterday. Obviously I was concerned that my broadband connection was going to get stuffed up again. When I got home the first thing I checked was t'internet and that was fine. Then I noticed the flashing clock on the microwave. Hurrah another powercut. A stray raindrop must have hit a powerline, or maybe a fag paper blew against a pylon? It didn't occur to me that the heating clock was up the swannee until much later in the evening when my bath runneth cold. So we sort the clock and wait for the boiler to fire but alack it merely makes an odd buzzing sound. Then we notice the water. It's pooling under the boiler. Not a huge amount of water but all the same it's not what you want to see.
Turns out the rain had come down so hard and the wind had been so fierce, that's it's sent water through the flue which has soaked the main printed circuit board. We had that PCB replaced 18 months ago at a cost of £170.00. Now we need a new one. It has to be ordered. It's Friday, Monday is a bank holiday. Thank fuck we have an emersion heater and a wood burning stove.

I hate my house. It's shit!

Goodbye Abbie

2008-04-30T15:10:00.000+01:00

Thanks for all the good times. ;)

Albert Hoffman dies

You couldn't make it up

2008-04-30T09:04:00.002+01:00

So I have my broadband back. Fantastic.
And it's three times faster than it was before. Incredible.
This morning out of courtesy I ask my neighbour if her broadband is still working.
It went off yesterday. Probably at the same time as mine was fixed.

Hmmmm....

So, on the 19th of April my neighbour's connection is sorted out and my phone and broadband are down the shitter. 10 days later I get my broadband back and my neighbours goes down the shitter. Neither of us are impressed. I called BT to try and see if we can prevent it from happening again and was told that there's no one I can talk to about that. They can only respond when things go wrong, they don't do preventative.

How shit is that?

One of the largest companies in the world, making more money per second than I'll make in a lifetime and they can't (or rather won't) get their act together to make sure that they don't cut me off again in the near future.

Utter utter inept cunts!

Me and the neighbour are going to make the next engineer aware of the potential problem. I may be holding secateurs at the time.

Reeeeeeesult

2008-04-29T11:17:00.002+01:00

The internet is saved. I'm back online baby!
Someone had fucked up a connection in a junction box. It's sorted.
As a bonus the engineer reckons he was getting 1.5mps when he was testing the line.
Slightly better than the 256kbs my ISP says I can have.
We'll be having words.

Gr@@@@@@@@@@hhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

2008-04-28T12:55:00.002+01:00

Still no fucking broadband.
Spoke to the isp on Saturday and the guy I was talking to expressed disbelief at the fact that a)BT hadn't sorted it. b) No one had arranged for an engineer to come out. c) That no one had thought to at least give me a dial up number to use. Which he did. And I have a BT engineer coming out tomorrow morning.
I'm hoping to be back online by tomorrow.

I'm deluded aren't I?

Hulk Smash!!!

2008-04-25T11:00:00.002+01:00

It's times like this you really want to 'Hulk out' and smash the shit out of something corporate. Unfortunately I'm as puny as puny Banner so all I can do is be forthright on the phone and try not to lapse into default sweary mind, but for fuck's sake... I'm still without net access. The DSL light on my modem blinks at me like a stupid child. I called my ISP three times yesterday. The first time I had the standard foreign call centre working from a script bollocks. The second time after some stern negotiation :D I got through to someone who knew what they were on about but still gave me corporate bollocks while promising to keep me apprised of developments. The third attempt I got a result. I was polite but firm. Expressed my frustration and displeasure in the nicest possible way. Got the guy to admit that they hadn't actually called BT but were using the automated fault reporting system that BT wholesale (the cunts that sell the internet to all the other isp's) have in place. Was assured that BT wholesale wouldn't favour BT Internet customers over those of other ISP's (yeah... Riiiiiiiiiight) and that he'd call BT himself and get back to me within the hour.

And he did! :o

It turns out there's a complex fault on my line and it's been referred to BT's complex fault people. What this actually means is, that there's something wrong with a circuit at the phone exchange and they have to send in a real human engineer to do some actual work, rather than turning things off and on again via a computer.

I still have no idea when I get my home connection back.

I'm very very pissed off.

Cunts!

Six days

2008-04-24T08:51:00.001+01:00

GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CUNTSCUNTSCUNTSCUNTSCUNTS!

And still...

2008-04-23T08:55:00.003+01:00

No internet connection at home.
It took me the best part of an hour to convince my ISP to take it up with BT. At one point they told me that after I'd plugged the modem into my BT test socket I should wait 3 hours to see if the connection stabilised and if it didn't I was to ring back.
Fuck that! It took some gentle persuasion but eventually the call centre chappy saw my point of view.

The breadknife took a call from them (the ISP) yesterday. The guy she spoke to was pretty good (for a change) he's identified a rather large problem with the line. I think he went to turn down the gain and ended up cutting the connection, which is interesting. I obviously have a shite phone line.

I'm investigating mobile broadband now. It appears I can pay less and get a better connection speed using the mobile network than I can using BT's infrastructure. I'd absolutely love it if I could ring BT up and cancel the phone completely. :)

update: Perhaps I won't bother looking into mobile broadband right now. This is a reply from T-Mobile to my enquiry

"Thanks for your email Rad, asking me if you can try our Mobile Broadband service without going to any commitment. Also asking if our Mobile Broadband service is better than his landline service.

I can understand how concerned you may be about accessing internet with the Mobile Broadband of your choice. I'll surely advice you on this.

I'd like to tell you that our Mobile Broadband service will be better than your landline based service. As you'll be able to access internet on your mobile phone at a fixed price of £7.50 per MB extra every month. However I'm afraid to tell you that you'll not be able to use it for trial without going to any commitment.

However if you wish to view our various price plans with this service please click here.

Alternatively for any further information you can contact our customer services on 150 from your T-Mobile phone or 08454125000 from a landline (Landline calls are charged at local rates if you're a BT customer but if you're with another provider it may cost a bit more, so do check). We're available everyday from 7am to 10pm.

Thanks again for taking the time to email me Rad, I hope the information I've provided you regarding the Mobile Broadband service and its plans will be useful.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to email me and I'll be glad to help you.

Kind regards"

Doesn't really instill confidence does it? I didn't ask about mobile phone broadband, I asked about mobile broadband via a usb stick or dongle that you plug into your computer. I've also done some digging today and it appears that a lot of people using mobile broadband on all the networks are not best pleased with their service. Ho hum!

Cut off my right arm while you're at it.

2008-04-21T09:04:00.002+01:00

BT: British Telecom; What a bunch of cunts.
My poor old next door neighbour has had no internet for a month. Kind of their fault for going with Talk Talk but they saw the error of their ways and signed up to BT again. BT turn up saturday morning to sort out their line. Saturday afternoon they have their internet, I have no phone and no internet. Now it doesn't take a degree in advanced mathmatics to add 2+2 and conclude that BT fucked up my phoneline on Saturday morning. So when will they fix it I ask the lovely Scottish person who's talking on BT's faultline. MONDAY AFTERNOON!!! WHAT THE FUCK! YOU BREAK IT AND THEN FUCK OFF FOR TWO DAYS? Ah silly me, of course, you endeavour to fix things in one working day. Tomorrow's Sunday. Therefore I can sit and spin. Well thank you very fucking much. State approved monopolies. Doncha just love em?

An old git writes...

2008-04-18T14:46:00.002+01:00

Kids and mobile phones. Specifically kids playing their music aloud from their mobile phones. They're cunts really aren't they?

No mate, it really was funny

2008-04-16T23:23:00.003+01:00

He got cautioned for anti social behaviour for doing this

Seems strange that people on council estates that get their windows put through. Graffiti daubed on their walls, and their children picked on, get fuck all protection against anti-social behaviour. But pretend to sneeze on some posh cunt's back and you're public enemy number one!

Poor cunt would have been hauled off to the Gulag if it'd been Brown.

Last week, I yar mostly being

2008-04-14T12:11:00.002+01:00

... In Darzet! Which is in the Wez Gunry and is very nice.
We had weather. It was mainly sunny but a bit chilly. We had fun. We had booze. We had Fish and Chips at the seaside. Well, I had Sossinbatter and the Bread had Pineapple fritter, but you get the general idea. We had curry at a most excellent curry house in Dorchester. It's called Masala but don't let that put you off. Very good food. We also had a 12 hour journey to get there. Oh how we laughed when at 11am we came to grinding halt on the M11 just outside Harlow. We tuned in to the local news and discovered there had been a nasty accident at 8:30am and the road was closed. So it had been closed since 8.30 and yet they were still allowing cars to join the M11.

How efficient of our police.

Being in a huge traffic jam is bad enough. Factor in a two year old in the back seat and you have the definition of hell. To be fair to the little fella he was as good as gold. But obviously he got bored and he'd lose it. I have to admit to losing it myself on a couple of occasions, the pressure was a bit intense. At 3 o'clock, yes that's right Three 'o' clock in the afternoon we finally reached the outskirts of Harlow where our brilliant Police force were happily diverting all the M11 traffic through Harlow Town centre... On a Saturday. How clever!

We thought 'bollocks to that' and headed for Royden in Essex where we hoped to be able to find another way on to the M25. Before that though we stopped to change the little fella's nappy. Poor little mite had been in the same nappy since 9 in the morning. Luckily we'd opted to go disposables for the holiday (we use linen nappies at home) because quite frankly carrying a stinking nappy bucket around for a week didn't sound like a barrel of laughs. We stopped in a little strip mall type place and the little fella had his first ever McShit :D. Poor little fella was absolutely soaked, his nappy had finally given up the ghost so we had to change his vest and trousers but really he'd been so good not to complain about it. Now then, I've not been in a McDonalds for years. Partly because of the food (Burger King's much yummier) but also because of the McLibel case from a decade or so back, when McDonalds went after a couple of Greenpeace workers through the courts. However principles be damned. I was hungry. Gimme a fucking quarter pounder and some chips.

BEST. BURGER. EVER! :D

Mind you, I was so hungry I'd have eaten a horses arse. To be fair to McD's it wasn't a bad burger at all and the staff were fucking excellent. The breadknifes food was going to take a while so they said to sit down with our drinks and they'd bring it over. I've never experienced that in a fast food joint before.

Anyroad up... Royden... We sort of went through it, very expensive. Could we find the turn off we wanted? Could we bollocks! We ended up in Epping and picked our way down to the M25. The rest of the journey was thankfully uneventful. Even around Heathrow it was quiet. Not a suitcase to be seen. But, we finally found our place (in the dark) at gone nine in the evening. We were all shot through. Absolutely brain dead, grumpy and frazzled. And the fucking garage up the road from us had just shot so we had to drive to the next town to get some milk. Gah!

It turns out the whole nightmare was down to these cunts. They'd twocked a car in Twickenham, looks like they may have also burgled the house for the keys, and ended up smashing the shite out of it in Essex. I hope the two cunts that survived feel guilty for the rest of their lives and end up getting very sore bottoms indeed.

Still after all that we had a nice holiday. I might even post pictures at some point.

Leg-End

2008-04-03T15:25:00.004+01:00

Well the end may be in sight.
After 16 months of what has at times been quite excruciating pain I finally have a firm diagnosis.

It's taken 16 months 3 GP's, One Urologist, 2 Physiotherapists, X-Rays, Ultrasound scans, and finally a consultation with an orthopaedic registrar. He tells me that I've damaged an adductor muscle where it attaches to my pelvis. It's very very common in cyclists (which I am) and will get better on it's own, but I'm welcome to go back any time and have a steroid injection if I don't feel it's healing fast enough.

The pain's not been that bad recently so I've opted for the time being to see how things go. I've also been told to go swimming as low impact exercise will promote the healing. The thought of me in public in nothing but swim trunks fills me with dread. Add to that the fact that I'm really shite at swimming. I told the doc I'm really uncoordinated, he said he could tell as despite my having very large leg muscles I couldn't push his hands much more than six inches above the examination couch. He was only using his index fingers to push against my shinss and I was straining like billy'o pushing against them. That's a bit crap innit?

I really really don't want to go swimming. But I'm going to have to. Aren't I?

(ooh look, less than a month between posts too!)

An entire month!!!

2008-03-24T11:54:00.003Z

That's appallingly tardy even for me.
Still at least I have something to blog that doesn't involve unsolved pain, depression, or how crap my family can be at times (not all of them). It snowed. It really really snowed. Thankfully I didn't have to go to work in it. So this is what I did.

We called him Eric.

Milestone

2008-02-28T15:01:00.001Z

Good god has it really been twenty days? I've been shamed into posting! :D
Actually I do have something to blog. The little fella slept in a bed for the first time last night. I've been dreading going from cot to bed, but he was as good as gold and apart from stirring a bit around 10pm he slept right through until 7am. I am chuffed.

In other news ... Toys toys toys. I really must update with a few more of my recent goodies.

New acquisitions, excellent.

2008-02-09T21:02:00.000Z

Just a couple more Clone Troopers. I think they're rather snazzy.

The innate crapness of Britain

2008-02-02T14:06:00.000Z

It snowed yesterday. It was a bit windy too. We had massive amounts of snowfall. Some people say it was possibly an entire inch, maybe less. It was a bit windy too. The trees opposite were moving a bit. I was in the bath doing bathy things. The power went off. It was 7:30 in the evening.

It came back on at 2:30am. I'd left a lamp on so I'd wake up. We went and sorted the heating clock, and the microwave things like that. at 2:45am the fucking power went again! We only knew this because the phone peeped in the phoney fashion when you place them back on their dock. So we got up and sorted all the clocks. Again!

This will be our 4 or 5th major power cut in about three years. I suspect our privatised electricity companies are possibly not investing in the infrastructure they got for fuck all money.

Britain can be really shit sometimes.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

2008-01-29T09:50:00.000Z

Finally I gets me a Wii. It's been a journey.
I asked for and received Amazon vouchers for my Buffdy and Xmas, these were going to be put towards the purchase of a Nintendo Wii. I had no idea at this point, that a console that was released mid to late 2006 was going to be more scarce than a Labour politician's integrity. Christmas came and I went online, no Wii's in stock. At least not direct from Amazon. There were plenty of marketplace sellers listing them at anything upward of £230.00 for a £180.00 console. Cunts!. Every day I'd log on to Amazon, every day nada but the marketplace sellers were doing just fine. Prices were stabilising around £250.00 there was no way I'd even entertain buying from one of these parasites but as it was I couldn't have if I'd wanted to because you can't use Amazon vouchers when buying from marketplace sellers.

So I kept checking, and kept checking and then discovered the discussion forums where daily tales of wiiless woes were swapped. T'was no fun. Finally on the 18th of January I logged on and there it was a Nintendo Wii £179.98 hurry only three left.
So I clickied one clicky and there it was... Confirmation! Huzzah!

So imagine my delight when the confirmation e-mail landed in my inbox with an estimated delivery date of ... 20th March 2008.
I wasn't happy, then I was resigned. At least I'd got one... Right?
I checked the forums and there was another bloke in the same boat, so I left a message saying it wasn't just him. Then, after that people started popping up saying they'd ordered the day after, and the day after that, and their Wii's were already on the way. I emailed Amazon customer services I heard nothing. The next day I called them spoke to a bloke who sounded as though he were several miles away. He explained that although Amazon said I'd got one I hadn't as several other people clicked on one clicky nano-seconds before me. I wasn't happy. I asked why people who'd ordered after me were getting their stuff? He couldn't answer me and conveniently the phone line dropped out. I composed a very very stinky letter to Amazon customer services. I didn't swear but was not very polite. I expressed my disappointment at the lack of contact. I demanded my money back. I stamped my feet and scweamed and scweamed and scweamed.

I clicked on send. Then went back to my inbox. In my inbox was a very apologetic e-mail from Amazon saying it was a glitch and my Wii was on the way.

I felt foolish.

Then I thought nah bollocks to that. They should have got back to me much sooner. It was probably only because of the phone call that the matter was investigated. It's too coincidental. So anyway finally I has Wii. Was it worth the wait? Oh yes! Fucking hell but it's good fun. Updates to this blog may be even more sporadic than of late. :D Expect one in March.

A really good way to integrate diverse peoples, communities, and cultures in a secular society

2008-01-23T14:12:00.000Z

Is to make sure that special dispensations or considerations aren't constantly dished out to one small sector of that society.

I despair!

TV & Movie Minimates

2008-01-22T13:03:00.001Z

TV & Movie Minimates
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

Bored and wanting to muck about more with this blog function on flickr. Here's more Minimates. Faboo!

24 MINIMATES

2008-01-15T12:42:00.001Z

24 MINIMATES
Originally uploaded by Section 9ine

These are pretty funky. A buddy over in the states sent them to me gratis. I wasn't going to collect this line but I think I'm hooked already. Jack Bauer's brilliant but Stupid Kimmy is fantastic

(posting this direct from Flickr to see how it works)

Well what a load of old shit then...

2007-12-28T08:54:00.000Z

Happy Birthday/Christmas...

Certain members of my family are going to be sooo disappointed when their birthdays come around this year.

Cunts.

LOOK OUT!!!

2007-12-19T11:15:00.001Z

Taken on my phone back in the summer! :)

New Acquisitions

2007-12-17T20:26:00.000Z

Next month sees little fella's 2nd birthday. He's a big fan of fishies in fishie tanks so we've bought him his own. We've set it up now, well... Because we wanted to. He owns three fish right now. Two American Flag Fish (called George and Laura) and a loach named Ken. They're faboo!

Tomorrow isn't NME day

2007-12-04T10:13:00.001Z

I'm not particularly a fan of Morrissey, I wasn't that big a fan of the Smiths either. I read last weeks interview with Morrissey and knew right away that the NME was trying to stir up some notoriety for themselves. Anyone who's read the article can see it was a stitch up. Morrissey pines for an England that never was and perhaps foolishly mentions immigration as one of the reasons that England will never exist again. This is what the NME pounced on to demonstrate that old Mozzer's just a big old fascist bastard after all. Cunt!

Excuse me... But BOLLOCKS!

This looks to me like a blatant attempt on the NME's part to boost circulation. Well they fucked up, they fucked up big time. Anyone with half a brain is going to have read that interview and the resulting hyperbole and realised what's going on.

I'm not buying tomorrows NME. I won't be buying it next week or the week after that either. I'm sure they're not at all bothered that a 38 year old man won't be buying what they themselves see as a 'yoof' publication anyway. But I wonder how many more people who've put up with the full page photos where there used to be news articles, with the editorial dumbing down, with the climbing into bed with companies that sponsor their tours. With the emphasis on shit fashion rather than youth culture, will also not be buying NME in future? I suspect it'll be more than just me.

Circulation may blip due to the current controversy, but I think a lot of people who are perhaps picking it up for the first time in a few years will find todays NME a bit of a joke.

Goodbye NME, it was fun for a while, but now you're just shit!
No really, fuck off!

I got a letter from the government the other day

2007-11-27T12:20:00.000Z

opened and read it. It said they were suckers!

Well actually it was today I got it. A nice apology from Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs apologising for losing the personal details of myself, my Wife and my two year old child, as well as twenty five million other people across the country.

I feel so much better now that they've apologised. I'm not at all worried now.

Cunting fucking incompetent MUPPETS!

Tell me I'm wrong

2007-11-27T09:48:00.000Z

See now, I'm not sure what protesters are hoping to achieve when they're protesting against someones right to free speech.

Griffin and Irving are foul contemptible people but in this country we do have a right to express ourselves regardless of political viewpoint. I'd have liked to have seen the ideologies and opinions of both of these men verbally slapped down and put in their place via debate.

Instead the protesters, no matter how well intentioned are actually veering dangerously close to fascism themselves by trying to deny these idiots their right to speak.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Is Fifteen Quid the new Tenner?

2007-11-26T13:58:00.000Z

It might as well be.

£1.02 for a litre of petrol!
Fackin aaaaaahtraaaaaaaaaaaaageous!

I call him Tiny

2007-11-16T07:52:00.000Z

...

No, not because he's my cock!

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of weeks now... Look, look what I found. A couple of weeks ago I was working on one of the borders in me garden. I'm ripping out the huge daisies I had growing and will be replacing them with a nice mix of perennial herbaceous and the odd shrub. So as I'm digging over the bed I spot this little fella (actually, I think it's a lady) who I appear to have disturbed. I was really impressed. I've not seen one of these since I was in me early teens. Being mindful of weather and predators I relocated it to the space under me shed. I hope it's okay.

British Government in Sensible Decision Shocker

2007-11-16T07:46:00.000Z

NHS gives private sector the boot

Okay, millions upon millions of taxpayer pounds have been wasted. But millions upon millions more will be saved. Plus those millions should (I say should with emphasis) be ploughed back into the NHS. Only a complete fucking moron tries to farm out NHS operations to the private sector. It seems oddly coincidental that this decision has been taken only after Tony Blair and Patricia Hewitt have gone. Still, for once I'm happy, someone somewhere has realised enough is enough and rather than stick their head in the sand and use made up statistics to justify a poorly thought out scheme, they've had the intestinal fortitude to make a hard decision.

Miserable

2007-11-01T09:47:00.001Z

*slump*

Oi, Final Prophet bloke

2007-10-29T08:49:00.000Z

Enough.
Enough of your vile badly written faux-religious tracts you evil racist sack of shit.
You hold yourself above all others with your reactionary rants, you dare to tell us how to live. Go fuck yourself and your 5 mile long comments. Stop stinking up my comment box you cunt! Kill yourself and make the world a better place.

Really

2007-10-23T14:57:00.000+01:00

FUCKED OFF!

My job's shit. My employer wastes public money, and people talk to me like I'm the cunt.

Fuck this!

Oh dear, I really am crap at this blogging fing.

2007-10-10T15:59:00.001+01:00

Not posted for a week, again!
Shit, innit?
Then again the blog's a bit shit anyway. Most of the blogs I read are updated only sporadically now as well. Are we all getting bored with blogging?

What's going on with me then? Well... Yesterday I went to a big hospital for scans and x-rays. Hopefully I'll finally find out what's wrong with me. I've neglected to mention that I've been ill since January haven't I? Well, not exactly ill, more like in pain. First of all I thought there was something wrong with my bollocks but medical science says no. One good thing about this is that I've lost pretty much any inhibition at presenting my pocket theme park on demand and no longer worry about the ambient temperature either. It appears that it's more likely to be something up with my hip. I'm just waiting to see if the X-Rays find anything. If not then it could be nerve related. I'm more than a little fucked off with all this and sometimes wonder if I'm liable to be in pain for the rest of my life.

In other news the little fella is fab and I've posted some pictures to Flickr of him enjoying breakfast with a pal. That's about it.

Not again!

2007-10-02T20:10:00.000+01:00

I'm fucking ill, and pissed off too. Bleagh!
Pictures of female readers in nurses outfits would go a long way toward a cure.
Your selfless act could save a life.

Ithengyew.

Plasticky Glee!

2007-09-19T21:49:00.000+01:00

It's not every day you find 21 minimates posted through your door, well alright handed to you by the postie, all at once.

Lookit! Look look

Marvel wave 16 THE AVENGERS!!! How sweet are they?

Classic Spider-Man Boxset featuring Hydro-Man (he's the one with the clear plastic arms. I forgot to add his splashy watery extension thingys.

DC wave 5 SHAZAM!

It's very quiet around here these days. Have you all fucked off or what?

For anyone who's ever seen Real Football Factories

2007-09-12T11:15:00.001+01:00

Found this over at http:www.kumb.com/forums Absolute class this is. Pwoppa Nawtee an no mistake.

Lego Genius!

2007-09-12T11:08:00.000+01:00

Fat bloke pegs it.

2007-09-06T11:32:00.001+01:00

September 5th Pavarotti.
September 6th Pavarottin'.

There's only one way of life...

2007-09-04T20:56:00.001+01:00

And that's your own, that's your own, that's your own.

Remember that? That was The Levellers hit single back in the early 90's. A clarion call to middle class drop outs and trustafarians up and down the country to wear stinking clothes, not wash their hair, and try to ponce money off of us fucking idiots that go out to work every day. I used to work as a gardener and for 3 or 4 summers we used to end up with these cunts sleeping on the park bandstand so that no one else could use it. I'm not kidding they'd live on it from may through to september. Then they'd probably fuck off home and have a shower, while I, the cunt that went to work and contributed to their dole money cleaned up their discarded bedding and needles.

I fucking hated crusties. The breadknife and her mates were all into the Levellers, Back to the Planet, Radical Dance Faction and the like. Actually I quite liked Radical Dance Faction, they had a mad dub thing going on. But the trouble with all these band were their fans. Middle class crusty kids and scabby new age travellers. I once went to see The Levellers at Cambridge corn exchange with the Bread and one of her old schoolmates. While in the foyer they bumped into an old school friend of theirs, they're having a chat with this bloke and I'm standing on the periphery of there conversation when suddenly their mate says 'Excuse me a minute' to them, and then walks over to me and asks me if I've got any spare change. My missus is mortified, her mate looks ashamed. I tell this cunt to fuck off, and the next thing I've got some hatchet faced harpie in my face (schoolfriends' missus) telling me what a bastard I am for not giving them any money. I told her to fuck off too. The missus points out that I'm her husband but instead of apologies all I get is sulky looks. Cunts!

I ended up staying in the bar. I tried to watch the band for a while but first of all I had the usual twat with girlfriend on shoulders in front of me. Who, when I objected turned round and said 'We're only dancing man'. So I moved on and got stuck behind some daft tart who'd braided her hair with beads and was swinging said braids around like a cat 'o ' nine tails.

Fuck. That!

As you can guess I'm not a fan of Crusties. I'm an even bigger hater of Pikeys. I don't mean your common or garden Gypsy, though god knows they can be bad enough, I mean pikey's. Grungy, scrungey filthy dole scroungers who travel up and down the country in old vans and coaches. Taking over neighbourhoods, having the odd rave, generally leaving a cesspool of refuse that the local authority has to pay to clean up. We've got a bit of scrap land down the bottom of the road that's like a magnet to these fuckers. Normally they turn up every other january and stay until the eviction notice kicks in. This lot have been different. They've managed to stay for 8 months. Screaming up and down my road in their barely (if at all legal) cars. Having the occasional rave, really just putting everyones nerves on edge. They've managed this by moving to a different patch of land every couple of months. It turns out that the land is owned by four different interests. One of them gets an eviction notice, they move on to the patch next door. And so on.

Today they finally got fucked over. And you know what? I don't care that they did. Their shitty red peugot 205 got carted off on the back of a breakdown truck looking much the worse for wear. Looked to me like someone went around it with a very large piece of wood. The entrance to the land is gated, blocked by concrete posts, and then sandbags full of concrete.

There's only one way of life, and fuck everybody who it affects cos it's your own it's your own it's your own!

We come in peace

2007-09-03T20:56:00.001+01:00

Star Trek Minimates series one. Well, one and a half really. Star Trek was one of the first minimate licenses way back when but they were 3 inches tall which isn't all that mini really. Only six figures were produced and only a handful of design pics remain of what was to follow. Hopefully these standard size 'mates will prove successful enough to warrant further waves. Early indications are they've sold out already so things are looking up for sad geeky toy collectors. And funky good looking ones like me too. Stand out in this series is pointy eared pedant Spock.

Look, they gave him an extra hand so he can do peaceful vulcan hand signs as well as holding a Phaser that's set to kill! Faboo!

Battlestar Galactica minimates series two

2007-09-03T20:46:00.000+01:00

Yes here they are in all their blocky plastic fantasticness. A particular favourite is Colonel Tigh, a lot of attention has been paid to Galactica's resident snarly alky.
Not only does he come with his hanky (used for mopping up awkward booze sweats) but also his very own stash of mini BOOZE.

Not even Cylons can defeat the great taste of booze.

Fabooze!

Sod off then, see if I care...

2007-09-03T12:57:00.000+01:00

Yes yes, I know you're all doing more interesting things than reading my old shite and indulging in witty banter in the comment box. But just you wait. I have new toys.

Didn't care then. Don't care now!

2007-08-30T13:00:00.000+01:00

The news media are really getting on my wick at the moment. Every day for what feels like the last fortnight they've been banging on about the tenth anniversary of some overblown tart pegging it in France. I can vividly remember that day ten years ago. I got up late (it was a Sunday) made a coffee, lit up a ciggy and turned on the telly waiting for the Waltons to come on. Instead of Ma, Pa, John-Boy, Mary-Beth and the rest of the inbreds I get some gormless fuckwit telling me about the accident in Paris. Fuck that, I wanted to watch the Waltons.

Indifference turned to dismay as channel after channel (all four of them) cancelled their schedules and embarked on a sickening display of mawkishness. I was so moved by watching the endless eulogies and public displays of patheticness that I went down the pub and stayed there! I wasn't alone.

baby spiders

2007-08-21T12:40:00.000+01:00

Russian Dolleks?

2007-08-19T18:50:00.000+01:00

Well it made me laff.